I don't know what to do, so here I am.

So, hi all. Myself Tamil, 24, one of yours.
Diagnosed in 2015 for my left eye, upon saying I'm having blurry vision.
Funny thing? My right eye was completely normal, not showing any signs on the pentacam scan. Pachymetry made sense, Posterior Elevation made sense, and the BAD-D Score made sense, so they decided to do CXL on my left eye, because my mum nearly fainted hearing a corneal transplant was the other option, and I wasn't interested either, as I wanted to join the air force, and it would've been a permanent unfit (little did i know). So CXL was done, left eye progression stopped and all that, and thickness was improving a bit, and vision was actually a bit decent, didn't wear the suggested contact lens, as it didn't fit and was really uncomfortable. then came 2023 when i was working. went for dinner on me bike, just for me to notice I couldn't see anything from the oncoming traffic's beams. then diagnosed again, the doctor said to me, to balance the left eye's vision the right strained a lot, and it progressed faster. Hmmm. Any sane person would ask, 'You would've identified it easier, as you were doing checkups regularly, right? ' It's bold of you to assume. Then CXL all over again. progression stopped, but vision wasn't clean, never drove in the night again. Then I went to give my Air Force interview. Boom, keratoconus itself is a permanent unfitness; I was literally cms away from being Maverick (Naval fighter pilot). Depressed asf, stupid egoistic toxic parents on one hand and my dealing with myself on the other. I wanted to leave that place, applied for Msc aerospace at the uni of Sheffield, and graduated, vision (both eyes and life) is not any better.
But for me, I have stopped bothering about it, like, what am i supposed to do? too good to be a pilot got nerfed; that's how i see it, been ages since i last checked the progression, but even if i wanted to it's gonna be like moving a mountain with the NHS.
What bothers me is I've got a missus, and at certain times i would think, i'm going to be a burden if we grow old; I can't take her out in the night (i drive in the night nowadays; i don't care). Some say it can pass on; idk. My mental health is all over the place (career); I don't have time and energy to be bothered about something I can't change.

So people of the internet, what's going on with me?