Me 'M32' Needs Communication Advice With 'F33'GF

TLDR / Synopsis

Long story short... I 'M32' with my 'F33' GF... Well, we both had a lot in common.

We were deeply attracted to one another (physically and mentally) and had great sexual and otherwise chemistry. We dated for 6-7 months, lived together for the latter half, and I ended things because of constant criticisms from her and a few other possible incompatibilities and less pleasant moments in our relationship.

This relationship is now over; I, 'M32', ended things with 'F33' in April.

This was my 2nd serious relationship where I, 'M32', have lived with a woman.

*The Core Problem (That needs advice for future)*

⁠[F33] seemed very OCD and needed everything perfect.

She would voice her complaints, criticisms, and frustrations constantly. No matter the setting.

Is this normal? In my previous relationship, I experienced nothing like this and felt it was a bit much and out of the norm?

I’d say 2-3 times a day on average. Some of these things she’d bring up were absolutely valid, and I agreed/told her I would work on said things.

And whenever I’d ask a question or two for clarification, she’d instantly say I’m dismissive or being defensive…

(To be fair, there was a handful of times where I felt like she was outright just criticizing me, so I did get a bit defensive and stood up for myself and/or debated because I kinda felt like she was bullying me OR it was something that felt super irrelevant or irrational to complain about, so I felt like I had to push back occasionally.)

SO… I guess what do you guys think? Practical and constructive advice is greatly appreciated here! Please call me out on something as well if relevant! I want to become a better communicator for my next partner!

All of the below scenarios pertained to her and my relationship:

•⁠ ⁠If I ask calm clarifying questions to help myself better understand what she’s saying (a perceived frustration/complaint/criticism), is that defensive?

•⁠ ⁠I had also asked her, calmly and politely, 2 to 3 times after ruining dinners and hangouts over trying to diffuse her frustrations/constant complaints… By saying the following:

“I understand you’re frustrated, and I want to hear your frustrations and concerns. Is there any way we can wait to have this conversation at the end of each week? This way we can enjoy our outings together and have a safe and designated time to chat about your concerns.” (She agreed to this a few times, but rarely followed through with it... Which is where a lot of my frustraiton came from)

•⁠ ⁠Do I just take it and tell her she’s right in the heat of the moment, when she makes complaints, criticisms, or frustrations about me? Then discuss it later in a neutral setting? It felt like it happened so much it just didn’t feel normal…

She would constantly complain about things… Felt like everything I did was never enough… BUT she’d always flip back and forth from being cold and complaining to very affectionate, loving, and sexual… I was perplexed to say the least...

I am just telling things as I experienced them.

The majority of the time when I didn’t just outright admit to being at fault… She would get upset or stonewall...

When I asked 1-2 questions to better understand what she was trying to tell me, she’d say, “stop/why being so defensive…”

Long story short haha. Thanks in advance, everyone! I appreciate the feedback!