How to be kind to people when you not feeling them I have least people in my life and whatever I have I don’t want them wish me best but

Not worse yk. I feel like I’m nice and well wiser but when i speak or try to show emotion people don’t understand me like i care. I been told repeatedly that im rude straightly truth spoken and blunt but deep down i don’t have ego or anything like people say like i have. I wanna be best to me my family my boyfriend my colleagues everyone but somehow im not able to show them what it is. I may show like it’s okay im okay outside but deep inside i cry im crying while writing this right now and it is my birthday today but