Best friend canceled on the "Best day of my life", now it's one of the worst

Today is supposed to be the best day of my life, i'm changing my legal name and gender. I've been looking forward to this day for 3 months. My best friend, let's call her Andy, and I had planned go there for the appointment and then have a nice celebratory time afterwards. Now she canceled it.

I had been gone for a week in another city searching for an apartment so i can study there. I was pretty stressed because i felt like it was going nowhere and i was feeling pretty lonely, also just thinking about moving to a new city far away was stressing me out.

Monday, 3 days ago i asked her and 2 other friends, let's call them Bandy and Candy, if we could play some games in the evening, which i hoped would help me relax a bit and just feel less lonely in general. Andy and Candy had something planned earlier that day, so she said we'd have to wait for Bandy.

The evening came and went and I heard nothing more so i assumed Bandy just didn't have time, no big deal right?

Then at like 1:00 a barrage of pictures and videos gets send into our group chat. In them were Andy, Bandy and Candy having the time of their lives. While I was left in the dark, waiting for some kind of answer, they were out and about having fun.

It hurt, i felt so abandoned. Left alone like an afterthought they forgot about.

When i asked about it they just said that it was spontaneous. I feel like that doesn't excuse the lack of communication but even then i still gave them the benefit of the doubt.

So i once again asked to play in the evening on tuesday. Andy and Candy were also on board, so it was up to Bandy once again. At 22:00 we get a message from Andy that Bandy is unavailable for the day because she spontaneously went to her boyfriend. I don't get why Bandy only cancels with Andy so Andy has to tell Candy and me that Bandy is unavailable.

Anyway, Andy then says that we could also play without her, but in an hour because her boyfriend is currently using the PC. After an hour Andy cancels because her boyfriend is playing, so she can't.

At that point i had enough so i told her how pissed I am that she canceled. In response she defended herself saying that it's not her PC so she can't force her boyfriend away. I responded by saying that this one thing isn't the main thing i'm pissed about and that everything is just too much for me right now.

She understood and offered to talk, but i didn't feel capable of having a talk (because it would be crying interrupted by incoherent rambling), so i said i'd like to do it the next day. She understood and that was it for the day.

The next day, Wednesday, after i told her i'd prefer to talk in person, she said she didn't have time because she has to do some calls, buy groceries and wash the car by hand. I feel like that's just an excuse. How does that take the entire day? And especially the car washing is something you could easily postpone to help a friend who is in a bad spot right now and needs someone to talk to.

She then already implicated that she might not come to the Appointment because it would be awkward to do without having talked about the issues before and she didn't want to do it the same day in case it could ruin the mood, i thought the same, that's why i wanted to it that day. In the same sentence she talked about needing a neutral space to talk, in case things escalated so it doesn'tend with someone throwing the other out of their homre. I didn't really understand that part because in my mind, i'd just vent to her about how stressed and lonely i feel and get it out of my system and that's it, i didn't even plan on blaming her for much. That's when she said that she also needs to talk to me. In the state of mind i was in at that moment i was scared. What could she possibly need to talk about that risked that much escalation? After I asked about what she needs to talk, she said she wants to talk about it in person and told me to not panic about it. I told her that i already am panicking about it. And that's when she broke me. She just said: "Okay? No idea what i could do about it. Lol" SERIOUSLY??

I just turned of my phone and started crying.

Later that day i received the news that i received an apartment in the city, which would have been great if i didn't feel like shit at the time. I told her about it (i previously already ranted about how frustrating the search for an apartment was) and she just said: "that sounds like something".

She then asked about the plan for thursday. In response i asked how it's looking for her time-wise. She just responded with the time Bandy would join us. When I clarified, she just responded the next day that she doesn't know.

Now it's Thursday, the day i'm writing this.

I responded by proposing a plan, which basically was what we planned 3 months ago.

She then refused to go to the appointment at all because things are getting weird and i didn't make a concrete plan before (which i didn't because we already had one, which she later also agreed we had).

At that point i just wanted to talk, even if it's right before the appointment because I really didn't want her to cancel on that because if i'm already struggling with loneliness, getting abandoned on my big important day by my best friend is obviously the worst thing to happen, i also told her that it's breaking me that she doesn'twant to go with me.

She left me on read for an hour until i asked why she's ghosting me (not the smartest thing to do to deescalate, but i was desperate).

That's when she snapped, she said that she had school then was on her way home and doing the dishes. When I told her that she could've at least told me that she's busy she just said she clicked the messages on accident. Which doesn't adress my point, and 2 of these things are not urgent enough to excuse not writing a 2 second text message. She then cancelled on the appointment with the argument that she doesn't want to ruin my mood on my big day?!? After I told her that it's currently ruining my mood that she doesn't want to go with me! She also kept mentioning the uncertainty about the plan (i think in relation to when we talk about the problems), as if she gave me any options. She shot down any attempt to talk on Wednesday, and today! She then says that i stressed her by talking about how stressed i am and keeps mentioning what i thought my plan was about talking. To which I said that I wanted to talk on Wednesday, like i told her on tuesday, but didn't know she had no time.

She didn't know how to respond.

At that point I was to done not talking about my problems so i just told her my view from the past days, and trying to not accuse her of anything and just tell her how i felt, hoping she'll understand and calm down. Because i honestly still don't know why she was so angry at me up to that point (except the ghosting accusation).

She didn't take it well, she felt accused, when i talked about the incident on monday she said that she couldn't invite me because she didn't know if i was spontaneous. Which feels like such an obvious excuse, she couldn't ask me to join because she didn't know if I'd accept!??! That's the point of invitation someone! When i pointed that out she contradicted herself by saying they didn't know that it would happen because it was spontaneous (which is a fair point) but doesn't fit in with the previous one. She also says that we never agreed to play on monday (which I never claimed, i just said that i was left waiting, which I was).I referenced an earlier drama, which felt similar to me.

Long story (somewhat) short, we wanted to go to a pride parade in our hometown. Would have been the first since realising i'm trans, so I was excited to go there with my friends (Andy, her boyfriend and Candy) as it was important to me and was happy how supportive they are of me. A couple hours before start her boyfriend cancels for them because of the weather. It was a bit of rain, in a region known for being rainy! I felt like it was an excuse, i felt abandoned on a day that was so important to me and ended up not going. We ended up talking about it, we agreed to got to another one in the town next-door to make up for it and all was well.

She felt like i'm holding that against her (i can see how she could think that, honestly), but it was just meant to be a comparison so she could better understand how i feel right now (i also clarified that in response).

She also again mentioned the plan and how i didn't talk about it, when i pointed to the fact that i DID ask about it, she just said that she thought i meant something else.

Remember that I mentioned a visit to a pride parade in another town to make up for the fuck-up she made (and admitted to)? That's next Saturday, and guess what? She's now threatening canceling that aswell! It's funny because she offered that replacement after mentioning that she usually offers a replacement when she cancels on something (which she only did after I confronted her about how much i hated that she canceled on me). Funnily enough a part of the celebratory stuff we wanted to do after the appointment is something she now canceled for the third time.

And now i just want to lay in my bed and cry. But i can't because i need to tell every single institution about my new name and prepare to move to a new city and study.

I hate it.