My boundary has been kind of broken, if you were me would you leave him.

I have been with my fiancé for 3 years we’re both in our twenties and plan on getting married next year.

Overall we have a very healthy/communication oriented relationship. He is my half, same views, same goals and a huge complicity.

There’s only a few minuses, and one that has recently made me think seriously about leaving.

First, he is pretty passive and rarely takes initiative, not much thoughtfulness, no real attentions. But it is a thing I am willing to overlook as Im not necessarily a helpless romantic and as he just happily does things his best if I tell him specifically what to do. He just can’t help it he’s in his head.

Second, he watches porn. That is not something I’m against as I do it myself too, this is fine in our relationship. Though, he never initiates sex and I now realized it impacted us especially when I did my best to recreate his fantasies and it wasn’t very concluent. I told him the decision should come from him to stop or slow down since I am myself not willing to not watch some because it doesn’t affect my appeal for real intercourse. I felt like forcing him was unfair, but so far nothing has changed. I just put a limit on one thing since I’m fine with him pleasuring himself around me (or with me if I’m in the mood) freely: I just didn’t want him to get off to specific women next to me (I found a lot of women pictures in his gallery and it really affected my confidence). Basically he can watch porn (we both enjoy dom/sub stuff for example) when we’re in bed but no solo female next to my sleepy ass. Whether you find this silly or not it’s my boundary and we both agreed on it. He agreed.

Thing is, a few nights ago, I woke up during my slumber and well he was getting off to a solo female. He said he was looking at porn and just briefly 😭 looked on the girls page.

This led to an argument where he ended up confessing that my insecurities (I always blamed him for not being as into me as I am) made him feel less attraction or pressure when it came to sex because he was scared that I’d feel like he doesn’t want me if he refused intercourse, which ultimately led him to lose attraction for me. He gave me an example of a time (when we are long distance) where it had been months he didn’t ask nudes or anything from me and wasn’t very shaken when I sent. That time I told him I felt like I wasn’t desired and it should be normal to want to have e-sex once in a while like we used to. He then said getting off to other females didn’t make him feel like he had to do it in order to not trigger them. That’s what he said (in a very communicative way). Which I understood. Again, when we met he was head over heels for me and I know I’m more than conventionally attractive but when your significant other has such unusual behaviors with content consumption obviously you feel like you’re not good enough which I stupidly expressed to him and I actually made the situation I feared happen. Basically the more depreciative I was about myself the more he got less attracted. This + the “pressure” (I just communicated I felt unwanted) of having to interact with me in order to not make me feel that way. Which I did still understand. But now that he said all this to me it’s obviously even worse and I don’t know how to fix it. I manifested what I feared 🤡.

Anyway I feel like this situation has been taken too far because why did I have to set such a silly boundary to feel like I wasn’t disrespected.

Anyway, our intimacy is genuinely terrible, and I can’t help but believe that he caused this because my insecurities weren’t like this when I met him.

I was willing to work around this before and maybe push again the topic of trying both this time to distance ourselves from porn, but since he couldn’t help but disrespect my boundary I just don’t want to try anymore, I offered a 1000 times leaving the room or the house if he wanted to have an alone moment but he couldn’t help doing it to stuff I said no to next to me.

I finally talked about it for the first time with my male best friend (my partner is not jealous for one bit lol which is healthy I guess and a reason why I like him) and he laughed his ass refusing to believe me, because there’s no way he’d have someone like me and do this shit next to me instead of well me.

This makes me ask myself if I’m not being the clown in this situation. Is it worth saving, I feel like I’m so into him still and he’s just not feeling this way about me along with a pathetic sex life. Are these actual arguments to leave because the rest of our relationship is wholesome.

I guess I should’ve taken care of the matter earlier but I’m in med school and we were in long distance until now so I legitimately considered the subject not high priority but now that we are gonna move together I can’t help but wondering if this is what I want with my life or if I’m overreacting over an intimacy that will naturally be gone when we’ll be older.

I’m lost what are your thoughts on all of this?