Vent about being a girl

Im a girl, 15. I grew up in Izmir Turkey for 11 years, then came back to Iraq Mosul. My life changed, rly badly. I no longer had any friends, any freedom, constantly sexualized, forced into strict religion and culture, had absolutely no privacy, got many culture traumas from school, mental breakdowns from my family that used to only be my mom and dad in turkey but now its 5 uncles 2 aunts and my mom and dad changed. My story is too long so I'll js say living here ruined me, it is partly my fault too, for not being able to fit in at all nor like anything, even if I forced myself, It would only get worse. And whenever I tell my family, they immediately accuse me of "wanting to be like European women who go out half naked for male attention and show off my ass and chest and have 10 boyfriends and lose my virginity and basically being a whore and that thats the only reason Im unreligious". over time, i used to try and fight that, explain myself, try to make them understand my point. But it did nothing but make them even worse and stricter and more hateful and JUDGEMENTAL. Constantly invading my privacy incase "Im talking to any boy and sending nudes" or "watching porn". Constantly sexualize my body and talk about how men will look at my arm and wanna rape me cus im not wearing long sleeve and how I will go to hell and Im ruining their family's reputation. It been 6 years now, and I cant handle the pressure and being forced into having absolutely no freedom of choice because Im a sexual n vulnerable creature. On top of that, I always, always noticed how different boys lives are in my bloodline, culture, religion and social media, maybe even the whole world. Much more easier, never to so rarely sexualized, much more freedom, much more respected and supported, much more privacy, the ones who are served only and not servants. Never had to go through any battle other than stuff many women already go through too. But never what women have gone through. It easier, in biology, no period no pregnancy, in religion, higher place and more satisfying and seemed as the only independent and strong (mostly, and i mean islam), in social media if a guy films only in boxers intentionally seeking for attention no one would sexualize as much as a woman even a minor wearing bikini to the beach, even normal shorts, hell even if completely covered but has a pretty face, boom sexualized and harrassed. and in culture the one with the most freedom and never the shamed even if he loses virginity, not as much as a girl. And in my school, a whole group about internet safety came and told us to never take pics without a hijab on our phone nor send it to anyone, not even a part of our face and never talk to my boy and never trust any boy because they can use us for sexual stuff or blackmailing, it made me hate the idea of how much my own normal hair and face is sexualized to the point that they only come to girl schools and not the boys because boys aren't in danger, they're the danger, as always. I cant even talk nor laugh nor smile in the street, why? I'll get attention from male creeps and god will punish me for that. I have been yelled at by my own teacher and uncle for laughing and smiling, meanwhile I see the boys run and yell and scream and no one do anything to them, meanwhile the girls have to walk on the side, heads down, silent etc. it makes my blood boil, not forgetting the harassment and grape that is happening or only weird stares too ofc.

I could state even more stuff I've been through, but its getting too long and I want some people to actually read this.

So after going through all this, I tried to tell my family, they immediately shut me up and accuse me of wanting to be a whore. Meanwhile I just wish to be viewed like how a boy is viewed. Which made me attempt, I attempted 5 times, all Overdose, and some almost worked but did nothing again after few hours.

Long story short, I wish I was a boy. Being a girl SUCKS in every way possible. I dont want to do any girly shit. I dont want to be pretty, which will make my life harder too, I dont want to be ugly either, but it will make me even more sexualized. I hate having a fucking vagina. I hate it. I wish I was a male. My life would've been so much better, so many more opportunities, my mental health so much more healed. Much more freedom, respect, privacy. Never sexualized, can go out anytime I want and feel safe. I hate being the one in danger 24/7. I HATE BEING THE VICTIM. I HATE ALL THE RULES, AND I HATE THE REASON THOSE RULES EXIST, I HATE BEING A SEXUALIZED VULNERABLE HATED HUMAN, I HATE BEING A FEMALE. I HATE BEING A GIRL. I HATE BEING A WOMAN. IT IS NOT FUN, NOT CUTE, ONLY A PAIN IN THE ASS, IM SO TIRED OF THE SCOLDINGS MY GRANDMA GIVES ME ABOUT HOW I MUST COVER BECAUSE OF MEN, HOW I MUST DO THIS DO THAT STOP THAT NOT DO THAT NOT DO THIS, IM TIRED, AND HER SON GO OUT WITH BOXERS AND SHE ONLY SAYS "Well, he's a man, its different" IM DONE. THIS IS NOT FAIR, IT WILL NEVER BE. PEOPLE ARE EITHER STUPID, OR MEN ARE REALLY DANGEROUS, EITHER WAY, ITS HELL.

I hate being a girl with my whole heart. even if I had freedom, I'd still hate it. I wish I was a guy. Guy's have it so easy, and I'll always be jealous.