18 [F4M] I have a huge kink with male masturbation

I have a bit of a weird kink involving male masturbation 😐. I think this kink is born from trauma because of a very bad porn addiction one of my previous boyfriends had but anyways... I get really aroused at the idea of men jerking off and watching porn, SPECIALLY if they have big dicks... EXTRA SPECIALLY if i know about it, I get like, actually wet just thinking about it...

Knowing what porn they're watching, what arouses them, specially if they're super degenerate and are always jerking off and thinking about sex... It's so arousing.

Thing is that... I have a bf, and i really wanted him to start telling me when he jerks off, and to see the porn he watches, but when i brought it up he kinda gave me a weird look, basically said "nah i don't watch porn" (which, sureee, i know he does) and told me he doesn't feel comfy sharing that with me.

But I sooo wanna have a boy report me their jerkoffs and their horniness 😐. I know it's not completely right but... I really want that so bad.