Disclosure Trouble

Advice please help

I am 30F & I’ve had GHSV1 for 6 years. I want to start off by saying that in the past 6 years I’ve been living with this virus, while scary, I’ve always been vigilant & careful enough to ensure I’m in a position to ALWAYS disclose before being intimate. (Never been ejected btw) no excuses, no oopsies!!

Well this time I made an oopsie & I’m very ashamed.

I’ve been in two serious relationships since my diagnosis & no one has ever contracted anything from me. I’ve disclosed each time early dating before anything got serious. I’ve always disclosed to casual partners as well before booking up. I 100% believe in honesty & transparency. I, and we, have nothing to be ashamed of, but at the same time, it’s not right for us to make the decision whether or not someone else will be comfortable with our diagnosis without their consent.

But.

Last week on vacation, I spent the night with this man that I potentially see a future with. He’s thoughtful and caring. We’ve actually known each other for years and we’re well acquainted. We met online 5 years ago, but this was our first time seeing each other in person. We live in separate states, next to each other. Two major cities, 45 minute flight away, about a 5-6 hour drive, give or take. I was in his city when this happened, and now he wants to come to mine to see me. Right now it’s very early and we’re still getting to know each other, but the situation is different being in different states that dating is moving at a different speed than I’m used to.

I didn’t want the opening line to be “I’m HSV1 positive” but I, regretfully, got caught up in the moment and we were intimate with no protection.

No excuses, just explaining.

It’d be one thing if it was a one & done, but there’s no way I will feel okay with letting him drive 6 hours to see me & spend 3 nights with me without him knowing the truth. I 100% have to tell him, I know, I just don’t know how. I have no experience disclosing after already having been intimate because it’s never something that I thought I’d have to do because I never thought I would do it!!! But here we are. I’m human and made a careless mistake.

Part of me feels that if I disclosed before hand, I feel like he would’ve accepted it okay. I’ve also never been rejected like I said before, but he’s very gentle and understanding. Feeling a ton of regret right now, because sleeping with him before getting a chance to disclose, to me, feels deceitful. Although not at all my intention, I would COMPLETELY understand if he felt betrayed & lied to. Intent is irrelevant & perception is everything. So now I’m worried. Regretful, ashamed, and nervous.

I know I was wrong, I’m not asking for sympathy. If anyone has any advice as to how I can bring about the conversation, it would be very helpful. He’s supposed to be arriving in 3 days and I need to tell him before he comes down. The problem is we don’t even talk often on the phone so it doesn’t feel natural for me to text him & say, “hey call me before you come down, I need to tell you something.” Like, I don’t want to make it seem like it’s a big deal or anything he has to worry about!! My approach is usually a chill “it is what it is” vibe, & the men & women I’ve disclosed to always took well to that energy and matched it. I feel like having to say to him “hey we need to talk” sounds so anxiety riddling & confrontational, & just isn’t a good start to an already hard conversation of “I know we already fucked raw but I have herpes.”

Thank you in advance for feedback. . .