tw: suicide & self harm.

Hi, I’m new to this group so I’m unsure how it works lol but I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life. And I told 14 year old me and believed that “one day it will get better” in hopes of carrying on. I’m 20 who has made so many mistakes and the depression is getting worse to the point suicide is a thought every second of the day. The only thing to tone down the strong urge is to harm myself . How do you carry on?