How do you know?

Hey, super sorry if I ramble in this and I'm using an alt account to stay anonymous from some friends.

I (M23) never really thought of myself as gay or trans in the slightest. When I was 16 I realised I was bisexual and I'm content with that. However once I hit 18 I began to get small urges and wants to look like or be a woman. It was only brief ideas and I did buy some cute clothes and stuff to wear in absolute privacy and I liked it.

I figured I was a femboy or something and ran with that for a bit but I started to hate myself because of it. I'd notice that I had so many masculine features that just made me feel ugly so I stopped. Cut to now when I'm 23 and it's emotionally exhausting and sometimes actually painful thinking about how much I want to be a girl.

It's even more confusing, because I like being a guy. I like that I'm toned and that I have a good jawline and I love my hair and mustache and stuff. Then other days I hate all those features so much and wish I was a girl. I can never see myself and something in between because I feel like I'd be so wrong looking and I know that's definitely some internal issue I have to resolve.

My dad hates trans people, I know that for a fact. I'm so scared to explore this and let down or lose my little brothers and sisters. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't even know what to think. If anyone can offer any advice at all I would be so grateful.