Accidental NC but now I feel no need to explain and want to stay NC

TW: Mentions of CSA, Physical and Emotional Abuse

As the title says, I recently felt forced into NC with my Dad and now I’m considering just keeping it this way and never explaining myself.

About two months ago I started having really aggressive nightmares and what I know realize to be flashbacks and PNES. These got significantly worse at night, and when I would speak to anyone in my family. It kept getting worse until one particular phone call, where my dad called me to rage about some minor work inconvenience, and my brain felt like it was on fire and I had to hang up on him and throw up in the bushes.

From there I just physically couldn’t answer his phone calls and started giving excuses for not answering, like being at work or in the bathroom mind you, but he would still text me back, annoyed that I didn’t answer, and since he normally called me 3-4 times a day to bitch he immediately noticed the pattern and started sending me panicked texts about how I can ignore him and how I have to tell him what’s wrong.

The thing is, I thought we were close until this happened, I just thought these new symptoms were the effects of unrelated traumas from my childhood, including CSA. As he forced the issue though, and completely spiraled when I simply texted “I just need some space”, I started remembering everything from my childhood and even how I felt about it then. At some point I fucking forgot somehow?! But now I remember the drugs, the alcohol, all the physical abuse, the domestic violence, making me his therapist in between being his whipping boy, just sooooo many sins that I don’t think I can ever speak to him again.

That’s a long story for my ultimate point, I don’t feel the need to explain the sudden shift from “best friends” to absolute no contact. Is that wrong? I know it’s within my right, but has anyone had a similar experience? How did you handle it?