40M looking for support

20 years, that's how long we've been together.

We first met at university.

We moved to another country just the two of us when we were 25 years old.

We have a 5 year old daughter.

She says she had postpartum depression and that I was not a present supportive partner.

A few months ago she asked me to add romance to our relationship. I failed.

She had the dream of going to a world cup game, I failed to secure tickets, eventually she bought a ticket and watched the game alone on a solo trip to one of the stadiums, said it was the best time of her life.

She says we got married too young and that we could have more sexual partners.

Every time she would mention some form of divorce or separation, I would tell I did not like that type of conversation. Eventually I accepted and said: alright, let's separate.

In recent discussions she said I accepted too fast, that I should have fought harder.

I started looking for apartments to live, so she could stay at our home and with our daughter. Most recently she said she would be fine leaving herself, she is looking into apartments now.

We have been amicable, I occasionally say things I regret saying, she doesn't forget anything, so whatever I say comes back to haunt me, forever. She says these things hurt.

I talk to a therapist once a week for the past few years. That's good emotional support.

I only told my therapist and two friends that this is happening right now.

I have very few close friends, we lost many friends post pandemic due to moving, relocation, etc.

It was us against the world, soon it will be just... me.

I want and will stay close to my daughter.

I told her I was thinking about exploring some cities, she said "depending where you choose, our daughter and I may move together".

The other day she said we could go on dates after breaking up. That she would "hook up" with me.

The signals are so mixed to me.

I am trying to picture what life will look like soon, alone. My therapist suggests I don't jump into a new relationship right away and that I learn how to be by myself first.

I feel so alone right now.