Reminding myself why I left

It’s been 6 years since I got away, but there are times I still push the thought of reaching out to him around in my head. Heres some examples of things he did to remind myself why that’s a near suicidal idea. TW for sexual assault and emotional abuse

He threatened to shoot me if I ever left him (he had access to firearms and was familiar with using them!)

Sexually assaulted me multiple times

Interrogated me every day with hypothetical questions, and punished me if I answered incorrectly

Urinated on me (seriously)

Fed into my eating disorder on purpose

Wanted me to coddle him cause he didn’t go through with his plan to sleep with someone and send me a video to make me feel bad (I did)

Encouraged me to self harm when he was mad at me, and asked me if I felt punished enough

Isolated me from my friends and family

Started a smear campaign when I left him

Posted out of context screenshots of only my messages to paint the narrative I was manipulating him by self harming, meanwhile he was encouraging me the whole time

Compared me to my own abuser

Admitted he was planning on killing his ex

Cheated on me, then accused me of cheating

Used the trauma I confided in him against me, and put me through it again on purpose

Lied about seeing a therapist, and used his pretend therapist against me

Got jealous of my cat and dog. I wasn’t allowed to be too affectionate towards them

Caused a psychotic break that landed me in the mental hospital. When I called him he just talked about himself the whole time