Socialist on the Fence

Howdy comrades,

I’ve self identified as a socialist for close to six years now. I’m an American, and seeing the way that profit was prioritized over human life during the pandemic was the final push that made me into an anticapitalist.

Since then, it’s been a long journey of stumbling around, reading books/theory, and feeling out what tendency I resonate with. I definitely started out as a liberal, then fell into an AnComm phase (I’m through with that now.) I’ve also been a DSA member for four-ish years at this point. However, reading more theory and basically looking out the window has radicalized me further. I’ve reached a point where I really only support DSA because they’re the largest leftist org in the states, but their Democrat entryism and lack of principle have really started to annoy me. I feel like most Americans, even supposed socialists, only think about the issues in their backyard, and not about the larger problems wrought by global capitalism and imperialism.

Basically, I think I’m a communist, but I feel this weird hang up when it comes to accepting that label, despite what I know about history and my own convictions. I also have diaspora from socialist states among my friends and family, so it’s a delicate issue to approach, despite my political convictions.

I say all this as a preamble to ask- have any of you been through what I’m describing, and what path did you take after? How did that inner conflict resolve for you?

Many thanks in advance, and I hope y’all are doing well.