Am I actually over them or am I just splitting?

I'm feeling burnt out rn so I don't have the energy to spell everything out.

But basically I've had a long, toxic relationship with my gf. Stayed through cheating, horrible things, etc.. In the beginning I would split on her a lot, cuss her out, get livid. Then snap out of it and get desperate again and try to get her back in good graces.

Long story short, we had about a 2 day period trying to talk things out after she spent nearly a year emotionally stonewalling me. She refused to share how she felt and what she thought. She's avoidant.

After this argument, I thought we were okay and I felt safe and I felt like we fell in love again. On day 3 she said something that triggered me and made me realize she meant nothing of what she said. I split the worst I have on her in many years. Very badly. I said she was scum at the bottom of my shoe and I wish god would vaporize any morsel of her existence from my life and memory. I expected to snap out of it since I usually do within a few hours. Rarely longer than 6 hours.

But this time feels permanent. I'm like waiting to be obsessed with her and wanting to talk to her and apologize and try to fix things and I dont feel that way. I barely give a shit shes not texting me rn. I was at her house and I just left suddenly without saying goodbye. I just didn't want to be there.

How do I know if this is just a long period of splitting or if I'm actually done?