I’m having trouble with equality in the bedroom with my partner

Hello everyone. I’m posting this with frustration as I just got done having a heated discussion with my partner for what feels like the millionth time and I need some perspective to hopefully help us resolve this. Apologies if this is long winded but it’s a lot to unpack.

So for context my (24f) partner (27m) have been together for about two years now. I genuinely consider him my best friend and I’m happy with most aspects of our relationship. We started off being super compatible sexually (before we moved in together) but now we’re having some issues.

Things started getting rocky when I walked in on him having some private fun times on several occasions while watching porn. It brought up some deep insecurities I wasn’t even aware affected me so I politely asked him if he could stop watching porn especially while I’m home in the next room as it does numbers on my self esteem for many reasons (I.e. it feels like cheating, porn is unethical, and if I’m home it hurts me that he’ll get off to other women rather than me). We had some great discussions and came to an agreement and he decided for himself that he’d quit watching porn altogether and even suggested we make a shared album with photos and videos of each other (!!)

However, I unintentionally caught him in the act several times after the fact while I was home, and I noticed that my feelings were still hurt even without the porn usage. My philosophy is that I’m not going to do that when my partner is home and available, and I understand his viewpoint may be different but it still makes me severely uncomfortable when he does. Again, we had a discussion and came to an agreement that neither of us would do that when the other was home. This is not the part I need advice on, as we’ve already come to an agreement we are both happy with, I am just sharing this for some backstory.

Fast forward to recently, his complaint is that I take too long to orgasm and it ruins his every time we have sex. I’ve heard this so many times that, ironically, it is now taking me even longer because I’m so in my head about it and now I feel like a burden. (As I’ve found, a common theme with us women. Yay!) I’ve explained to him that there are ways to get me there faster before we jump into full blown penetration, but he complained about that taking too long, too. I can see where his frustration is coming from, however it upsets me because he’s been accusing me of wanting to steal his pleasure so I can have mine every-time. I would never want to take it away from him, as it genuinely makes me happy to please him, but I don’t like the idea of giving mine COMPLETELY up just so that he can have a great one. It feels unfair and hurtful to me.

I’m just desperate for some solid, actionable advice to help with this situation. I’m aware that if he masturbated, he would potentially last longer, and it’s fine if he does, but I am not okay with it while I am home as walking in on it makes me extremely uncomfortable and unwanted in this particular chapter of my life. And before I hear that I need therapy to work on my insecurities, that’s already in the works. I’d appreciate friendly advice and no blatant criticism as I’m already in a sensitive spot. I suppose I just need someone to hear me.