my older sister abused me as a kid and now I'm seeing her for the first time in years

I figure the best way to start this is with context

I am currently 22 and my sister is 3 1/2 years older than i am but we were always close. when i was very little (around 2-3) my bio mom got herself in a very deserved a of legal trouble. wont get into it very much but it involved a lot of drugs and are house getting swatted. most of what happen i don't remember cause i was so little but the trauma stuck. just not good situation. my dad is more than i could have ever asked for and he rightly got full custody of us. I believe its normal to be close with sibling's but i think i always had this certain attachment to her because of it. when i learned to talk i would make her speak for me to people outside of family and always used her as protection. anyways, down the line my father met my stepmom and she is the only mom i have every known.

flash forward a couple years when i was about 10 i believe (she would be 13) life was normal for me or at least what i perceived it to be. around this time is when my parents trusted my sister to watch me. like if they had to leave the house for whatever reason.

I will be honest i have a lot of trouble remembering some of this because it was so long ago. at some point she was watching me alone and we were in our downstairs living room watching something on the tv. what felt like it was out of nowhere she asked if i have ever seen boobs before. me being 10 i obviously said no, she asked if i wanted to and honestly me being a little boy i said yes. from what i remember on how i was feeling i had a (what a cool sister) kind of vibe. she lifted her shirt and i didn't really know what to do after the omg that's boobs feeling went away. after a few seconds of staring she asked if i want to touch them and so i did. that was all that happened that day and nothing like that happened for at my best guess a couple of weeks

we were alone once again and she asked if i wanted to play with her boobs, i agreed. she asked if i she could touch what's in my pants and i let her. she started jerking me off and when i got close it felt like i had to pee (i wasn't able to tell the difference i feeling at that point) and i told her that so i ran to the bathroom. after i came back i tried to keep doing what she wanted but she told me to pull my pants up. there was a couple of instances is like that afterwards until one was different. she had me lay down and put a blanket on my head and she told me she wanted to try something. she started sucking me off and it didn't take very long until i felt like i had to nut and i told her i was going to and she stopped. she took the blanket off and when i looked at her i realized she was naked. she asked me to put it in her, i remember being very reluctant but she kept saying as long as i don't nut in her its ok. they always say you remember your first and i remember that very vividly. wont get into it to much but we did it and that was that for a while.

i was older at this point, me being 11ish and her 14ish. she started asking on the regular. we had sex in total 6 times. i remember when doing yard work in our backyard she didn't want to do it so she kind of bribed me with sex for it. she pulled her pants down broad daylight and told me to fuck her. and i didn't want to because my dad worked from home and his office window he could see the whole back yard. another the same we where alone and she asked for sex so i would clean the kitchen. she also didn't tell me she wanted me to do that until after. the last time was at my grandmas house but this was different. she made me nut in her. i've never done something that felt so wrong in my life. i was 12 when this happened and i was really starting to realize what has happened to me

fast forward to now. i have never brought this up to anyone except to my past girlfriend and my fiance. my sister abandoned my family around 2019 and said she resented my family including me saying we where all the origin of her problems. she randomly a couple days ago messaged my dad and then myself. we are the only ones she has contacted. i also told my mom but my sister didn't want to talk to her. she wants to meet with me the 21's of this month so about a week form now. i had no idea she was alive for that almost 7 years and i miss her. but i cant help but think about what happens. i have no idea if anyone in the family knows. me and my dad are going on a couple day trip and i dont know if i should tell him. im still wanting to see her but i dont really know what to do.

i dont know what i expect from posting this but im open to all