Struggling to keep going in recovery

I've been in recovery for 10 months for mia and ana. I hate looking at myself, I just get the constant gnawing anxiety of people seeing me eat or wanting to eat with me. I accidentally got to the point of almost passing out the other week after stressing out and not eating anything at a multi-day sleepover. Nobody even noticed I hadn't eaten. I thought how easy it'd be to just keep going like that. I get that internal whispering of not being thin enough or never doing "good" enough during my worst. I've been trying for me friend who is also in recovery, but I know if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be in recovery at all. I had a breakdown a few days ago with her and have been struggling to get back on track since, having a panic attack today. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm really stressed from packing my rooms up for house renovations and it's just been a loss of control, meaning ana gets worse and I am lacking appetite. I just wish I could have some more stability. Thank you for reading 🩶