“on pause”

i have bpd and my fp was made aware of that when we first started talking before our first date. before to this month, he said he was planning on proposing. last night we’re officially on pause before our anniversary.

all i can think is what did i do wrong and how i could have done better. i’m not okay in the slightest and i jsut need him but i feel like i can’t tell him. i was leaning on support that he mentioned he’d give for an upcoming move (we were going to lease together) but now… i don’t know. i jsut don’t know anymore. what does on pause mean? what did i do wrong? why does everyone always leave?