“My mom makes me feel guilty for everything

Im so tired of this.My parents have throughout my life out me through so much mental and emotio al abuse.they said and done things which drove me crazy and now they constantly gaslight me into thinking im crazy and then they go around telling people that.they say they eggshells around me when im the one who so scared i cant function properly anymore.they tell peopl all kinds of shitand those ppl believe them bc theyre the parents and they come and lecture me.I have no safe person no one to tell this to because e erybody I know will either lockme up oor hold me down.I dont know anyone who wont say my parents are right or correct.Even my college counseller is of the veiw that as childrsn we sod obey our parents.I dont know what to do.plus when i egt really angry or overahelmed i have this urge to hurt smthg and it always ends up being myself because who else can i hurt anyways.If i confront my larents they yell at me call me names iick me out of the hosue at times.I dont know what to do.I dont think I can live like this anymore.