These words just flowed out of me

My thoughts after piecing together my best friend is struggling and it may evolve into something terrible. Idk how to talk to her about anorexia, but I want her to recover ASAP before she turns into me. I feel triggered already, it won’t end well. There are lots of double meanings in this ‘note(?)’ I wrote at 1:30am

Just like me

Oh my god I’m an enabler. I saw the signs and symptoms, of course I’d know them best. Why didn’t I do anything? Why didn’t I say something? Why didn’t I stop it before it got worse? Why do I ignore the words that are being fed to me. Is it because they’re being fed to me. After all, I don’t like being fed. I need to make it stop. But I can’t make it stop. Is it going to be a competition? My mom jokes about those types of competitions, but now things are getting too real. I want to help, but what do I know about getting help? I want to get worse to feel better. I need to feel in control. I’m terrible. Why did I let this happen to someone else? Was it because of me? Am I to blame? I’m a terrible person. How could I do this to someone who needs me. Now she’ll feed off me. I can’t let her win.