That day still haunts me.

When I got on that bus at 3:00 a.m. that day, I was crying and scared. I was terrified that the Uber driver might take me somewhere, and then I was stranded waiting for the bus, pitch dark, with no one around. But even then, I still wanted to fix things with you. The thought of losing you was more terrifying to me than the thought of getting kidnapped or killed.
That 8-hour journey to reach you felt so long. I couldn’t sleep even for a bit. I was just hoping that we could sort things out. It was a new state, a new city, and new people. I hadn’t planned anything when I got on that bus. I just wanted to be closer to you. I just wanted to be with you and tell you that I was sorry.
I didn’t know where I was going to get down or where I was going to go from there. I knew nothing.
I got down and called you so many times, but you didn’t answer. You didn’t care.
My heart was pounding. I was so scared to be in a new place. It was around 9 or 10 a.m., I think. I just walked somewhere. You saw my text and told me you didn’t want to see me.
But I knew you would come, so I waited outside.
You finally came and took me somewhere. We sat there. I don’t remember the conversation we had, but how come I remember exactly how I felt?
I wanted to beg you not to leave me there and go. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t say a word.
You just left, like I wasn’t your problem. You didn’t care that I hadn’t slept the whole night. You didn’t care if I had eaten. You didn’t care what I was going to do that day. You didn’t care how I was feeling.
You just left.
You told me that you would come and meet me later and that I just had to pass my day waiting for you to finish work.
I don’t want to live those memories again, but that day just keeps haunting me.
I remember washing myself in that public washroom, scared that someone might be peeping through or watching me. I felt so dirty.
I wandered around for so long. I kept walking, not knowing where to go or where to sit. I have never felt that scared in my life. I felt so lonely. So dumb for coming all that way, thinking I could fix things.
But I realised that day that you should never love someone so much that it consumes you.
And I think I never loved like that after that day. I hope I never do.
You know, so many strangers saw me cry that day, but he didn’t see me when I was with him, crying behind him.
I’m not even with that guy anymore. I’m not even in love with him. But why does this memory still haunt me?
So many things happened that day. I don’t want to write about them because it feels like I’m reliving everything all over again.
I really wish I could erase that day from my memory.