Is Divorce the answer for everything?

Hi all! I’m a Millennial mom trying to understand the current generations marriage/parenting perspective

I’ve been active on Reddit only for about a month now. And honestly, I’m slowly realising how different the thinking is when it comes to relationships, marriage and parenting.

I recently commented on a post by a new mom who was venting about her husband not helping with the baby or housework unless she asked him to. From the post, she sounded completely exhausted and overwhelmed with the mental load. At the same time, it also sounded like her husband was helping when she asked, despite working from 1 PM to 11 PM.

I basically suggested that she give him a few responsibilities that are his to handle every day, rather than having to ask him each time. My thought was that once something becomes part of his routine, hopefully he'll start doing it without being reminded.

I also mentioned that pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding create a completely different physical and emotional connection with the baby. The mother is literally carrying the baby, feeding the baby and being physically responsible for them from day one. Some fathers naturally become very hands-on immediately, while some take a little longer to figure out the routines and responsibilities of being a dad.

I also said that this is a really exhausting phase and hopefully some of the resentment and frustration will ease once they both settle into their new roles.

And apparently… I committed a Reddit crime. 😂

I got quite a few hate comments saying people like me are the reason men get away with doing less, that women shouldn't have to “teach” their husbands how to parent, and some were already suggesting divorce.

To be clear, I 100% agree that men need to step up after becoming fathers. A wife shouldn't have to constantly notice everything, plan everything, remind him and then call that “help.” That's still mental load.

But at the same time, I keep wondering… isn't becoming parents a learning curve for both people?

What's wrong with communicating what you need, dividing responsibilities, figuring things out together and slowly getting into a routine?

I don't mean women should become their husband's mother or project manager. There's a big difference between helping someone learn something in the beginning and having to manage them forever.

And honestly, I don't think every new-parent marriage problem automatically means “leave him.” If there's abuse, complete neglect or someone consistently refuses to take responsibility, that's obviously a different story.

But if two exhausted people are trying to figure out a baby, a marriage and a completely new life at the same time… shouldn't there also be some room for patience, compassion, communication and learning?

Maybe I am looking at marriage through a slightly old-school millennial lens.

But I genuinely still believe that marriage is also about learning each other, making compromises, growing together and sometimes giving each other some grace.

So I'm genuinely curious — was my advice actually wrong? Am I being too conservative? Or is there still some value in giving two people the space to learn how to be parents together?

Would genuinely love to hear different perspectives. Please be kind though — I'm here to understand, not fight. ❤️

TL;DR: I suggested that a new mom give her husband specific parenting/household responsibilities so he can build a routine and take ownership, rather than expecting him to automatically know everything. I absolutely believe men need to step up and women shouldn't have to carry the mental load forever. But I also believe new parents can learn, communicate, compromise and grow together. Reddit disagreed pretty strongly. Am I being too old-school?