The day at the rock cut, beach

I have read the text logs from those days.

I remember it all pretty vividly,

You wanted to meet we did.

I was all nonchalant, so were you.

Nothing was really said,

No one flinched.

I wonder if in the way back what really happened.

What really caused our downfall.

Was it the little things I did built.

Was there a defining thing.

We were so young and you literally gave me no hope.

That night we broke up I asked simply

If you want me at all please say.

Ill fight for us and do whatever you need.

And if there is someone else I'll walk away but that will probably it.

You told me don't. Like walk away.

You hinted maybe I could be a friend or an option if that was a thing than.

And yes I fucking abused my powers.

I used my empathy against the only person I wanted to be with forever.

And we said so much bs by the end, I always wondered what you would tell people.

I know my truth and I hope you know yours.

It's sad my soul mate is so far and so close.

But I am crazy and people do change.

If I really could ever speak my mind to you I would say.

Watching you these years truly hurt.

I miss you in away that is undefinable.

I never have felt anything for anyone like i do for you.

These things terrify me because you took our life and built it with out me.

You made your life and I am just some small chapter of some asshole.

I am still trying to move on.

Maybe I will maybe I won't.

I am so old now.

Things are starting fall away, and soon death.

Why did you try to talk to me that day at home depot.

It fucking broke my heart.

After what you wrote.

I wonder who you think I am.

It's sad how I thought you knew me but you like everyone else,

Wants me to be all mister fucking gets it fucking done.

And you want the vulnerable, than you exploit both and make me this fucking bad guy.

I can tell you have told this whole fucking thing to so many people no one looks at me the same.

You have almost made you the worst decision of my life.

25 years ago right now we had that first conversation on the phone it lasted hours, I can't remember if I fell asleep on the phone with you.

But I remember thinking this is the person I want to spend my life with.

Nothing I guess matters.

I truly wonder how much drugs people think I did back then.

Like i did coke like 5 times.

I always made it seem like I did it more.

And ya I did x like 10 20 times but seriously not out of hand.

Was it not wanting to drink anymore.

We were so comfortable and than it was dust.

It seemed slow and than it avalanched.

From the first question to the end was only months.

Years to build months to destroy.

Anyway I am try to move on i am.

I don't know how or why but I now I must.

It's funny how I knew all this would happen.

When I told you I would probably never marry and have kids it was simple to me.

That dream died with you.

After all the people I have dated you where the one and only.

I believe the proficy is fulfilled.

I carried your hole in my heart this long.

I am going to close it,

A little.

Again.

I wonder about you and only you.

And I want you to have want ever you want.

I am so sad its not me

Anyways love you beautiful.

Sad anniversary.