life advice from fellow women.

if you ask me what are my current feelings , i might will say that i am sitting with a very heavy heart maybe i can cry anytime but idk why tears dont seem to agree

maybe i have tried everything maybe not 

i always thought i was a good person but now i question that claim all the time 

there are days you feel  hurt u try every thing explaining to crying to discussing  ten folds but notthing seems to be working  its always the same loop og things happning and after there may years i dont want to beg for anything .. lies although small are told 

may be i dont like this verson of myself one who is always hurt , begging, underconfident ,insecure, jeleous , daydreaming, playing victimcard ,for whome her own time is not valuable, who hates herself, has no control ,

i have my examsin 7 days and here i am crying over a boy.

i will never forgiv myself if i didnt make it 

i want to change and raise back .. plase guide me help me give advice anything is appriciated