I'm so exhausted by my life and this is pushing me over the edge.

Bear with me for this tangent...I've had Fibromyalgia symptoms since I was 15. I had a car accident 7 years ago that wrecked my shoulders. I was already in constant pain. I have GAD, MDD, ADHD, very likely ASD, disordered eating. I've struggled with self harm on and off since I was 14. I have had covid 8 times. I literally should just have been taken out by natural selection alone... And then the MCAS symptoms started. 5 years ago I had a mild pet dander allergy like very mild my eyes would just water in the morning sometimes. I didn't realize it was related to my cat until I mentioned it to my optometrist. 2 years after that I didn't have any animals in my home but noticed more obvious symptoms when around other people's animals.

In the last year it kept getting worse, to the point that I had to take a double dose before going to my friends' house and they had to keep the cats out of the room I played board games in and vacuumed the space and I'd still react. This gradually increased so even dander on pet owners triggered me. Then I realized it was also probably pollen... Just before going to Milan for my niece's vital medical treatment. I put my diagnosis on hold while I supported my sister and niece but the two weeks I was there things continued to get worse. First of all Milan pollen is awful. I was taking about 4-5 10ml doses of ceterizine a day when I was outside the isolation unit (my niece received chemo and genetic therapy so my twin sister and I swapped out every 3 days for the 41 days she had to be in the hospital) but the shocking thing was that I was still taking at least 20ml of ceterizine a day inside the isolation unit there, theoretically, should not have been any allergens, definitely no pollen or animal dander. For context anybody entering the ward has to change their clothes and visitors had to wear full masks and gowns. I also would wash my hair when I got to the unit and wipe myself down so I got rid of want trace pollen. By the time I left I was taking 3-4 "daily" antihistamines a day in the isolation unit and 5-7 outside and that was with me trying to conserve them, only taking them when my sinuses got too clogged, I got a headache, I was coughing frequently or I was having shortness of breath. I started having bad reactions to any fragrances and especially my sister's vape.

I was hoping getting home to Canada would make things better but it hasn't, partly because I'm very broke (I quit my job to go with my niece and sister and my plans to fill the income gap didn't work out) so I'm facing homelessness (thankfully my landlady is letting me leave on my own at the end of next month so I don't have an eviction on my record and will still give me a good reference since I was a good tenant for 6 years and I've been transparent about the issues.)

It's exhausting to seemingly be allergic to anything I can inhale. I've already taken 7 doses today and I'm still reacting. My eyes are burning and staying to water, I'm nauseated, have stomach cramps and a headache. I suspect it's primarily my 12 year old son who I picked up today, the dog dander from the pets at his dad's house or the laundry detergent his dad's household uses. I'm trying to be happy that he's here but honestly I just feel like shit.

On top of all this my older niece (turns 9 this week) is rapidly regressing from the same disorder the younger one was able to receive treatment for. I'm mad at the universe and my families cursed genetics that is responsible for two innocent children going through hell in different ways (yeah, the 6 year old is technically the lucky one but she's had so much medical trauma, and is going to lose her older sister who's diagnosis came too late.

My nurse practitioner is meeting with me over the phone in two weeks and I'm going to confirm she put the disability assistance application in, discuss a higher dose of antihistamines that is covered, get a referral to an allergist and a rheumatologist (because I suspect my fibromyalgia has led to osteoarthritis given my increased difficulty walking around. It's gotten so bad that the last two nights I've woken up coughing only 2 or 3 hours after going to sleep.