Its been four years, how much longer?

how have i cried for four years and i’m still not exhausted? will this ever end or no?? and if it doesn’t end, then why haven’t i gotten used to it? why after four damn years of crying, do my eyes never seem to go dry?
I have lost all hopes, if things had to get better, they have gotten better by now.
i don’t even like food, everything i eat feels like i’m swallowing anxiety and pain. (And for years)
i just want the pain to stop. i wish there were a way to take all of this pain at once instead of surviving it everyday

I suddenly wake up in the middle of night and can’t breathe, and at that time and only that time i wish i could hug someone and seek protection in them.

I had a beautiful life!