How can I learn more about sub/dom relationships?

I am a 21 year old female, and I recently learned that I am interested in sub/dom relationships. It took me a while to come to this conclusion, as I have low interest in sex (due to antidepressant medication). I am able to explore my sexuality alone, but feel uncomfortable when being sexual with another person.

Still, I have thoughts about older men. I do not age regress or have any interest in age play. I also do not feel that I fit in the BDSM community, as I don’t think I would enjoy bondage, and from what I have seen so far, the BDSM community is more extreme than what I’m looking for. I really enjoy when an older man is especially kind and attentive to me. I often think about how I would enjoy a dom telling me what to do, even in small tasks. I’ve always liked having clear expectations. I worry I may do something wrong most of the time and those clear expectations really help put my mind at ease. I also love the idea of calling a man daddy or sir. It’s like I almost want an authority figure, but in a more gentle sense than I’ve seen from kink communities. I’m a little ashamed to admit it, but I love attention and I love being praised.

Sometimes, I also like the idea of being in trouble or punished. But again, way more gentle than other things I have seen. I have struggled with SH for about 10 years. I have improved, but have also learned that pain is incredibly grounding for me. So punishments like spanking sound very appealing to me BUT only if the dom remained calm and gentle during the experience. Sometimes being yelled at can be a thing for me, but it has to be immediately followed by reassurance afterwards. I know it sounds contradictory, I’m not really sure how to make sense of it either.

Anyways, I’m posting this just in case anyone else has a similar story or can tell me more about it. I want to learn more about this and about myself. Is this really a sub/dom dynamic, or am I just a vanilla who’s reading way too much into things?