Just Processing.

(40M) Have reached a point in life where i just feel heavy. Kiddo's mother(39F) and myself have been married for almost a decade, most of it more or less not so happily or healthily emotionally...

The relationship has been dead for years. Still live together in the house we acquired. Both work now (she stayed home the most part of the previous decade) but she does some cash work and we maintain a small farming type thing on a few acres, I work >fulltime/been breadwinner; I cover bills, she covers what she can of her costs. Regardless of how we got here and reasons aside wont be able to go on like this forever.

I look forward to the day I might be able to feel a connection again. Over anything I hope to feel whole on my own, I dont care for the idea being or finding the missing pieces, I dont want to be needed nor a need for someone. I miss the enjoyment of people, the exchange of ideas, the unhostile exchange of thought and what I remember to be pleasant realtionships... not really getting to a point, maybe just opening a door to vent through. But I think the time is coming, were kinda tryna figure out the least sh!tty way to make an equitable split.

TL;DR : Tired and just ready for something to change.