Not experiencing / enjoying moments, but completing them

My friend and I completely independently figured out the same exact thing about how we work. Let me outline:

We don’t really enjoy stuff. We’re not really in the moment when doing stuff as In we aren’t really experiencing the moment. He described this as seeing himself from a 3rd person, detached from his life.

I recently came out of a breakup and I felt the same way. I felt like driving manual. I knew what I had to do and I’ve been doing it for a long time with my partner, but It always came from a place of logic. Not feeling.

He even said the same thing as I usually say of having this thought engine on at all times, which becomes very effective at doing stuff. I take goals, split them into task, and start solving them but I as a person don’t feel like I’m there. The only thing that seems to break this is novelty. Something new the engine can chew on until I figure it out. Then I loose interest again and It’s just work.

The same with my gf. I’d do many things she asked for and knew how to make her happy, but I never really cared for most of it, or enjoyed it.

With work I feel this is ok for the most part. It has ups and downs and I can always leave. It’s more complicated with hobbies, passions and especially relationships. For instance, many claim you’re supposed to work on a relationship but I’m not sure what any of that means? More work? Reaching out after our breakup? To what end, if I feel I was never there?

What is this? Any lectures you can point me to?