Anger at how life has turned out.

I posted this earlier in the Mental Health group and received some helpful replies; posting here also to extend reach. Does anyone else experience anger / fury / bitterness about how their life has turned out?

I was born with a sensitive temperament into a poor violent abusive environment. Growing up I was a small skinny ugly kid, physically and emotionally very sensitive. I was quiet and introspective but I had a strong temper when provoked (which I perceived as often). I wrote poetry, stories, drew pictures. If people criticised them in any way I would get angry. I had friends but I would annoy them and constantly fall out with them. I would get hurt easily, cry easily. I know myself that I was a difficult child, I found it hard to just get on with things and to get along with people. Everything bothered me, annoyed me. Because I was so sensitive, I found everything an assault on my senses. I would hate people simply for being themselves; for example, if someone ate with their mouth open I would hate them. If someone had a funny walk I would hate them. If someone breathed through their mouth I would hate them. If someone looked a certain way, spoke a certain way, I would hate them. If someone was good-looking and easily able to attract others I would hate them for their arrogance. The list was endless. Small, inconsequential details that most people wouldn't notice but would infuriate me. Just constant hate, anger and jealousy.

As I grew up I felt constantly bombarded by people's selfishness and rudeness - why did they say that? Why did they do that to me? Why did they look at me that way? Why are they being so nasty? Why am I not getting the recognition I deserve? This anger and frustration then progressed into fury. It progressed into a thought process of "How dare they treat me like this? Who the fuck do they think they are?". I felt that their selfish behaviour, their attacks on me, justified me behaving in any manner I saw fit. I felt like life had cheated me and I wasn't going to lie down and be denied what I felt was rightfully mine. I would lie. Cheat. Steal. Invent stories about myself, things I'd done. Emotionally manipulate people. Lash out at people. Stonewall people. I have hurt many people over the years.

I'm older now and to be honest I haven't changed. I can reflect on my life and I can see the damage I have caused. There is a part of me that can recognise that what I did was notionally wrong. But there is another part of me that still firmly believes that I was wronged by people and by life and that I only did what I had to do to survive.

I know all of the above probably reads as a little shocking so please I ask don't just tell me that I'm a narcissist or a sociopath or anything like that because I already know there is something wrong with me (although feel free to express all opinions, if possible in a constructive way). My question is this: has anyone else experienced this and how did you go about addressing it? Like I say, I know notionally that I have done wrong but also the part of me that believes I did simply what I had to do remains steadfast and I don't feel regret. In fact, I feel like the people I hurt deserved it. How do I access this part of my mind to have a discussion with it? To soothe it and reassure it that it can let go of the hurt and the pain and the anger? Thank you.