Ruminating over an ex

I was dealing with a highly manipulative ex and made things worse my lashing out post breakup, so now I’m the crazy one.

I was the one to end the relationship because I could no longer overlook behavioral patterns of dishonesty and manipulation.

I thought I was fine but as I got further away from the relationship the more clearly I could see things and just how much I had shrunk myself. In my rage I lashed out with admittedly harsh accusations after some time of no contact. I am not proud of the way I handled myself as I took a scorched earth approach.

When I confronted him post breakup about how hurt I felt he claimed it was because I assumed the worst about him. I understood this as him flipping it and blaming me for causing my own pain.

And when I responded by saying it felt like he was ambivalent for much of the relationship and how that contributed to my decision to leave, he lashed out and said he never felt secure anyway and therefore couldn’t be what I wanted.

What really tickles me here is that he never brought that up during the relationship and in fact had expressed excitement about us being together. Even near the end when I could already feel the shift, I asked him directly if he felt like the relationship was coming to an end and he denied it.

Knowing his patterns now, I can’t help but presume he’d twist this narrative and use my post break up blow up as proof as to why he could never be forthcoming with me during our relationship. Never mind the fact that I had been very explicit about wanting honesty, and clear and direct communication from the start.

In addition to his lack of honesty and transparency, and inability to take accountability, a big red flag throughout was his pattern of triangulation. He would often share things about his other relationships that would make the other person look bad, and would sometimes ask my opinion on it. It really makes me wonder what he was sharing about me.

I didn’t expect this fallout to have such a big effect on me but I am absolutely gutted. I still question myself and my sanity and whether or not I was too harsh. I recognize that while I may not have handled communication well, I think the patterns I observed were very real.