i feel fundamentally unlovable

18F i’ve been extra sappy recently. i’m moving out for college tomorrow and ive just been up crying for 3 hours straight.

my father is a narcissist. he will look me straight in the eyes and tell me i am unlovable and i have never felt like he was totally wrong. out of all the things he will spit in my face just to hurt me, that’s the only one i cant convice me myself that he is wrong. i feel like i should be able to know he’s just saying mean things, but, with this one, i cant.

how could a father look his own and only daughter in the eyes and tell her that? everyone and everything i’ve ever loved has never had me question my love and care for them, even during moments of distress. what about me is so unlovable? that is not a term you just throw out. especially not towards your child.

i try. i try so hard for him to love me, but i just can’t. i feel so weird for knowing he’s just saying things but also believing him. i don’t know how to shake this off of me. it’s been so long he’s been saying things like that. eventually, i wonder if maybe it’s not his hard head, but my own being. ME. IM the problem. 🤷‍♀️