Not knowing how to converse brings me to tears. If there was an autism cure, I would take it.

I was part of the social skills group for people with autism. There are a couple of things I have noted from the group.

I don't feel like anxiety is the main problem in conversations with autism, but solely conversations. 

I initially came to the group in the hope of learning how to make friends and have conversations. It was something I struggled in.

The second last session I was taught to ask something about the person by paraphrasing; saying something related and staying on the topic of their interest. I had trouble with this, and was given the homework of talking with my younger brother instead and ask things that I could learnt about him. I assumed it would be easy.

Yet, I still struggled with the homework. That whole week, I struggled to have conversations with my brother in a way where I could learn stuff about him. It made me realised that I don't know much about my brother and I felt sad about this. It made me realised that I practically don't know much about my family. I feel sad that I don't know my mum well, my dad well. I'd like to ask my mum how she is going, how she is feeling? I'd like to ask my brother how he is going with uni, how's work, how's things? I feel sad because I don't know how to, that conversation is not intuitive. 

It's not simply like asking "what's your favourite colour?" "How was your day?" but it's the conversing back and forth that you could learn about them. They taught us the beach idea i.e. sand, umbrella, water...but to translate that into conversation is just not intuitive. 

It's not as easy as people would think. It is something that people have taken for granted. 

I feel sad sitting across the table at dinner not knowing much about my mum and brother. Seeing them everyday and not knowing them brings me to tears.