I started sexting here again.

Hi!

I(M32) have been in a monogamous relationship for a decade. 7 years out of that has been a dead bedroom. I went through all the stages initially, trying anything to change only to end up depressed when nothing has ever worked. During an especially hard time about 3 years ago I started sexting here on Reddit. I felt so guilty but couldn't stop myself. After maybe 3 months of that I stopped and came out clean to my wife. It took time, but she forgave me. I did stop, but was too cocky and didn't delete my NSFW account, since I had you guys there, lots of karma and other things. I started using the account again and it was pretty innocent. Just looking at porn or chatting in NSFW communities, but nothing which would be considered cheating. Until about a week ago when I started DMing women again, hit it off with some of them and we started sexting. Feeling desired and getting the validation I needed made me feel alive again. Until yesterday morning my wife needed to use my phone since hers was out of battery and a DM popped up. She also started checking my post and comments from her phone so I deleted the account. It's been horrible these last couple days. I don't feel like eating, I'd just sleep all the time (if I could). We haven't really spoken since then. I did ask her what's gonna happen now that I'll go to therapy, but she always responded to leave her alone. This morning she told me she texted me she wants me to leave. I don't know if temporarily or forever. We've got a beautiful child together who's the centre of my universe and my wife is a great person, I do believe I love her, so that's the reason I didn't want to separate despite no sex.

I really don't know what's gonna happen, I'm omw to work now. Paradoxically I feel like sexting even more since she found out. As chasing the dopamine this way has always been my way of coping. I had to stick to porn which doesn't seem to cut it for me anymore. And don't take the last sentence as avoiding responsibility, I just wanna vent: So thanks HS for ruining my life and the lives of the ones I love the most.

Thanks for reading.