it’s just so unfair

writing this with my heart pounding and my whole body tense. parents yelling in their room about me. what started as a question about my tuition spiraled into criticism about how i don’t talk to them. for context i sent a text to them asking something related to my tuition. i nowadays prefer texting because i don’t have to physically go to them which never ends well. i can never relax around them and i start dissociating and can’t even focus on what’s being said. and i have too many traumatic memories of simple questions and conversations devolving into me in tears and them yelling at me. so anyway, now they’re in their room shouting bs about how i don’t ever want to talk to them etc etc. i just think it’s so fucking stupid. maybe there’s a reason why i avoid you. one that isn’t just disrespect, one that’s born out of extreme fear, fear that makes me terrified to even set foot out of my room if i know my parents are still lingering about in the house. i don’t know what to do and there’s nobody else in my house who can comfort me. i hate when this happens because i feel so weak and powerless because i cannot do anything. i can’t run away. i can’t hide. there’s nowhere to hide. i feel like a deer caught in headlights. i’m frozen right now. too afraid to leave the kitchen where i’ve been to go back to my room. don’t want them to hear signs of me being active, lest they remember i exist and burst out of their room and start yelling at me. just don’t know what to do