I met a guy 3 months ago after truly taking the time to heal after my narcissistic ex, I did the shadow work, I did everything. This guy is older than me but we hit it off VERY good from the start and we couldn’t stop seeing each other ever since. He also stated he was looking for something. This is basically where our summer story started, I wasn’t sure if it was just going to be a fling or what but I went into it with an open heart. When we first met I asked him about his last relationship and he said it had been 2-3 months since him and his ex broke up (keep this timeline in mind) and how it was basically a mutual decision because they were on and off for years and it was time to close that chapter. This guy swooped me off my feet and by that I mean he would follow through with everything he would say, his actions matched his words and for the first time it nice to finally see I was getting what I deserve. My guard was all the way up at first but it went down as soon as I started falling in love. We quickly became a part of each others routine, I would sleep over every day, go out to eat, take him to work, phone calls, and even cooked for a guy for the first time. We even established exclusivity after a few weeks. After many different types of conversations we had and how good I saw this was going I truly thought I was about to become a gf and saw this lasting a very long time. Something important is that there was really no red flags except he would bring up his ex ALOT and not in a malicious way but sometimes it was uncalled for and I even let him know that (I should’ve caught on to this more). Fast forward to a week ago, I knew he was going a funeral so I tried giving him space as much as I could. For 2 days he didn’t answer me and that isn’t like him at all (grieving is real but also it takes 2 seconds to answer). I knew something was up instantly, he finally responded by telling me he saw his ex at the funeral and how she spoke to him and that he truly did not know how to feel or what to think after that conversation and how he needs space. He said he couldn’t talk to me for 2 days because he felt super guilty and didn’t have the courage to tell me. We met up in person to talk and I got my heart crushed. He basically said after seeing her he realized he still has feelings for his ex and that he feels stuck because he genuinely fell in love with me but that it’s not going to work atm because it’s not fair to me if he still loves her. I ugly cried in front of him and he cried too because I was basically beginning him to not to do this. He said he truly did not want to do this or think this was going to happen but that those feelings for her had not fully gone away bc they were together for 7 years and were only broken up for 6 months when he met me. He told me he told her to not bother him atm because he needs time to think about some things and how he still has a girlfriend (me) and he told me he would talk to me hopefully in a week to see where his mind is at. Anyways, I feel like a rebound and a joke. My heart feels like it got ripped out my chest and stomped on. I have no doubt in my mind that he genuinely fell for me and meant it, but for him to see his ex and those feelings get activated again just feels like a slap in the face. I also don’t understand why he is debating on going back to someone who treated him wrong. I do know too you can love someone perfectly and play your part right but if they have unresolved emotions from their past, you can’t fix that for them. I feel so anxious because there’s a part of me hoping that I could change his mind but there is literally NOTHING you can do when someone pulls this on you. We have plans to meet up this weekend to talk but if he doesn’t follow through I’m not asking. I also don’t even know if I can work through this because I refuse to be someone’s second option and let them tell me twice I’m not who they want. Being friends is something I definitely cannot do with someone I’m in love with. Has this happened to anyone else ?

dinner is maruchan and going to delete this soon 🥲

i feel like a joke