My brain is blocking the fact I was even pregnant

TW missed miscarriage, mentions of passed cardiac activity

We learned of our missed miscarriage two weeks ago and I don’t even feel like so much time has passed since our world collapsed.

One second were excitingly starting ultrasound and the next I’m drinking in a bar, weeks later, barely remembering what I felt when pregnant. There’s nothing but rage and despair eating at me while people around keep living.

I know loss, I know tragedies and death. But I don't know what is happening right now.

I can’t remember anything pregnancy related, apart from the test and the sound of the ultrasound when everything was still fine.

I hear it again if silence lasts for too long.

It was my first pregnancy, yet I still find myself having to remind me that I was pregnant at some point.

Life is going on but I feel like mine stopped too.

Sorry for the blabbering, I needed to let it out.