TW/Suicide

Hi all, I’m planning to end it and because I can’t say anything to my family or friends due to fear of interference or prevention, I’m posting here. I’m 20, female, and one of 5 other sisters including a twin. I’ve suffered from severe depression beginning around 12 years old. This includes extreme apathy and lack of motivation. I find I don’t care about anything, including myself. I always feel like I’m posturing or putting up a front in front of everyone. I haven’t been genuine in a long time. For a time, I was going to the gym and eating well, in hopes for some resolve but things have worsened for me and I’ve lost at least between 5-10 lbs in the past few days. I look like I’m dying. Like all that inner turmoil is manifesting itself on the outside. I’m at a point right now where there’s really nothing tethering me here, including my siblings, who at one point were the reason I was holding on. I’m just suffering too much. I hate living so much.