Repost: forgot to actually post the photo. Sorry! 

Lemon + feta + walnut + broccoli penne pasta.

My disclaimer: Please know it’s not my intention to brag or seem full of myself. I very much do not want to put other women down, so if body image is a tough subject for you, please feel free to scroll!!! I just want to vent. 

I naturally have a hourglass figure. I have a small waist, wide hips, shapely thighs, and most prominently: a bubble butt. This is purely genetic; all the women in my family share this figure. And I can’t stand it. 

I have been sexualized from a young age. I started puberty early, and so not only did the cat calling begin before I could write cursive, so did the dress coding at school. I could not wear the exact same clothing items that the other girls could, just because they fit me differently. This has persisted my entire life. At an old job, I was the only girl not allowed to wear leggings. Unless it’s a baggy outfit, my clothes end up showing my form. And I like to dress feminine and cute! But I’m automatically a slut for it, in many people’s eyes. 

Likewise, I am goggled at constantly. I go for a hike, the grocery store, THE FREAKING ER (a personal favorite), there’s men staring at my ass. So shamelessly. Many of them have wives and kids. It makes me sick. It makes me feel guilty for simply existing in public. I have been groped, in public, more times than I can count \\\\\\\*on both hands\\\\\\\*. Men are constantly walking suspiciously close to me, “accidentally” brushing up against my ass and thighs, etc. Everywhere I go. 

Men tend to automatically assume I’m searching for something casual. Even on apps like Bumble, where we can both say “looking for long term” they confess they thought I’d just want to hookup. Men see me and just think sex. That’s all I am to some people. Sex. 

My body is by far the thing I get the most compliments on. I get it, to an extent. But it stings. I’m smart. I love school so much and intend to get a PhD in my field just because I love to learn. I am passionate and ambitious. There is so much in this world that I strive to understand and improve. I care so deeply about my loved ones, often to my own detriment. I was late on rent so that I could support my friend’s sick cat. I think I have really pretty eyes. And I do get compliments for these things; I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or skew the truth. People do notice these things. Just not anywhere to the extent that they notice my ass. 

At times this has made relationships with other women hard. A couple of women confessed they thought I’d be a bitch and when I asked why, they told me it’s due to my looks. When I express my insecurities (because I still have plenty!) I get told I am fishing for compliments, scoffed at, or called ungrateful. No one believes that I also feel bad about my body sometimes. 

Sometimes women ask for my workout routine. I am honest with them: while I do hike and jog, I have had this figure since puberty. Even when I’m inactive. It’s just genetics. Most women are chill about it, but some have accused of me gatekeeping. I got called a bitch for this once. I don’t get mad about this. Society pushes beauty standards down women’s throats as soon as you’re sentient. I get it!!!! It’s hard to be a woman. But I struggle too. Why be so mean? I didn’t choose this. 

I know that the grass is always greener on the other side, and I’m sure if I was built like Kendall Jenner instead, I’d find something else to hate. I’m just tired of feeling like a sex object. I want my dates to get excited to get to know me, not just to feel up on my ass. I assume this’ll get better. I’m only 23. Men around my age have a lot of growing up to do, it seems. 

If you made it this far, thanks. Just wanted to let that out. 

 

Vent about having a nice body