How do you tell the difference between someone who wants to know you and someone who wants to sleep with you?

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I'm a trans woman, and I'm specifically asking about interactions with non-trans women, because this isn't something I tend to run into as often with other trans women.

I'm trying to understand a pattern I've noticed in myself.

I'm not looking to separate friendship and romance into two completely different boxes. In fact, some of the best relationships I've had started as friendship and naturally became more intimate over time.

The problem is when I explicitly reach out because I'm having a hard time and say something like, "Come over, have a beer, let's get to know each other, let's commiserate about our breakups," and the interaction immediately pivots toward flirting or sex.

That's where I end up feeling less like a person who's being known and more like a body that's being desired.

To be clear, I'm not complaining about people finding me attractive. Attraction is wonderful. I just want it to come out of actually knowing each other instead of replacing that process with "how do we optimize the mating ritual so we can get to the sex as fast as possible without dealing with the messy Parts like getting to know people as people first.

I think what I'm trying to learn is how to tell the difference early.

How do you recognize someone who's genuinely interested in building a relationship with you—whether that eventually becomes friendship, romance, or sex—from someone who's mostly interested in the idea of you?

I feel like I keep confusing those two things, especially when I'm lonely, and I'd really like to get better at recognizing the difference before I get emotionally invested.