Yesterday was by far the shittiest day of my year. Wednesday night I stayed at my bf and we argue. I hate going to sleep alone and I woke up at 1:30 am in bed alone. I see the bathroom light on and I knock. He says he’s getting ready for bed (at 1:30am) I get pissed and go back to bed. This has been happening for a couple weeks now. He always says he has anxiety and starts journaling until he gets tired (he has shared some of what he writes so I know thats true). Anyway we argue and go to bed. We continue the argument in the morning and I leave for work late. 

Trying to merge to exit lane I’m half into the other lane and a Mercedes Benz pickup truck hits me. It hits my mirror but nothing breaks. Clearly didn’t want to let me merge. I’m an extremely anxious driver and I check mirrors before merging 100 times, this guy was a typical driver who just doesn’t want to let people merge and speeds up to try to stop you. He crashed into me as traffic suddenly stops in front of us. I keep driving and try to spot him. I don’t see him and honestly I’m so upset about my boyfriend and being late that I just fix my mirror and keep driving. Yes. I should have stopped. I now know that it’s the law in the us. 

I get to work, call my insurance and let them know what happened, report to police and forget about it for a few moments. Just thinking ‘what an asshole, just let people merge’. At about 10am I get a call from police department telling me I have to pickup a citation as they have evidence I committed a hit and run, WHEN THE OTHER PERSON HIT ME. I claim that’s not what happened and the officer says they have a video from the other driver and they are assertive that I hit the other person. Wtf. Whatever. 

For more context I’m an international student in the us. I’m crying sobbing thinking about the worst scenario possible. Being found guilty, deported, detained by 🧊, having to leave the city I love, all that awesome stuff. I cry all day until I’m off work. Bf insists on coming to police dept with me and I say no. We argue and he asks if he can come over after so he can make me feel better.

I drive 30 mins to the police station and wait an hour all the time about to piss my pants cause all I’ve had all day was water. I get the citation and drive 30 more minutes home while it rains, I have no gas or will to live. I get home, shower and my bf gets there, or course my place is also a mess. 

We talked and he finally admits he has relapse on cocaine and has been doing it for a few months behind my back. I knew he had been an addict for years and got sober for a while but was back to doing it every couple months. We have done it together and I feel partly guilty as he was not doing any alcohol until he met me. I drink quite a bit and I feel it was a trigger for him to get back to addiction. I was suspected he was either doing drugs or cheating on me. So I’m not surprised. He cries and cries and says he understands if I want to leave him. He is ashamed and feels shame who he is. I spend an hour trying to calm him down and promise I’ll be there for him. 

We try to drive to tell his family he’s relapsed and going to get sober and go to rehab but his keys get wet and he can’t unlock his car without the alarm going off. We call service and they help us. We met with his fam and he confesses once again and waterworks again. Everyone is supportive and we all promise we love him and we’ll support him. We get Mc Donalds, they don’t have cherry icee, we eat and we go to bed while he cries. 

I don’t know how to prepare for court, I don’t want to lose my license or get charged with a misdemeanor, I want my bf to be ok and us to be ok. He has dealt with sm of my shit (being avoidant and pushing him away 100 times) and I wanna be there for him. But idk what to do. 

My first decent meal since Wednesday. Turkey breast sandwich and chips. 

Got cited for a hit n run and bf admitted to relapsing.