He (28m) left me (23f) after 2 years and was going to be 10 months on the 18th. 

He acted normal in the morning. He dropped off some food to my parents house this morning after dropping me off at work at 9am. Attached are message exchanges from this morning around 9:20ish. 

I try to call him before my lunch break (9-5 job) so we can spend it together and he doesn't answer the phone. I assume his phone is either dead or he's sleeping (he works overnight shifts starting at 11pm and gets off at 7am), so I walk home during lunch (I live really close to work) and I find all of our things that were in a storage unit, inside of our apt and a note on the stove. This is over half of the letter, "*I just wish I could have been stronger for you. But I am so weak I can't even say this to your face cuz the pain. I hope you truly find happiness and someone that can love you as much as you demand and deserve I am so fucking sorry. I hate that I have to save you from me and my destruction. I will always love you so please forget about me cuz im not worth your tears and frustration.*" 

We were going through some communication issues  and he was always very avoidant due to trauma from his childhood (his mother was very verbal and physical towards him) and his last relationship (his bm(29f) was physically abusive towards him and cheated on him multiple times throughout their relationship). Overtime his avoidance and quietness resulted in me not feeling heard and cared for and I ended up lashing out verbally more times than I'd like to admit. I felt like I always carried the emotional weight in our relationship. I also lost a lot of trust in our relationship. He did do a lot of the physical things such as cleaning and laundry and etc, and felt that I did not pick this up as much as him. 

We went through 3 days of complete silence at home and on car rides this week. He did not check up on me or ask me if I'm okay. He did however apologize for what he said that hurt me. 

We eventually made up on wednesday after I got back home from work. And we have been okay since, but I was still carrying the emotional weight over what had happened the past few days since he did not once take accountability for the hurt he had caused except saying I'm sorry. 

I ended up going through his phone yesterday (I know how that sounds and yes I really lost a lot of trust in him) morning when he was sleeping and noticed that his bm and him had multiple phone calls throught the past couple of days this week **and** was messaging him different location for apt complexes. I didn't think much of this since she may be looking for somewhere to move and needs to coordinate pick up and drop off locations for their 2 daughters with him, so I did not bring this up to him, however I did bring up that it makes me uncomfortable how often she is in contact with him through phone call and I did not feel prioritized. He ended up saying that his bm and him only talk when it's about his daughters. I expressed understanding but also told him that he should respect the way that I feel and set firmer boundaries when talking to her and the duration of their talks.

How do I move forward from this pain and emptiness? How do I not get mad that he just ghosted me after 2y10m? How do I get over our happy moments and the promises of us always being together and working through our hard times? How do I ever learn to trust someone enough to feel love again? I dont want to move on but the logical part of me says I can do it overtime. I miss him so much already and left a vm for him crying and telling him to come back to me and talk it out and keep his promises. I think he blocked my number though or he's just not responding to me at all. I dont know how to feel and my emotions and thoughts are swinging back and forth. My biggest fear was being thrown away like we are nothing and that's how he made me feel in the end. 

He left me . . .