How to deal with a condescending friend?
Hey, so I'm a teenage girl, and I have a friend who is also a teenage girl. It's my first time using Reddit, but I don't really have anywhere else to seek advice about this.
She and I are quite close and we mostly don't have any problems outside of this one thing: She looks down on me. I don't know if it's overall as a friend and person, but I can tell she looks down on me academically and it really pisses me off.
I know that especially in teenage years, and in this country, competitiveness is very common among students around my age. That is not something I blame her for, but she will literally make snide and subtle comments and remarks that obviously show that she thinks she's better than me and looks down on me. She literally told me in a kind of playful tone that she feels the need to score higher than me and beat me and like score highest? And that's a normal feeling but I really feel like she could just keep it to herself instead of constantly putting me down and making me feel like shit.
I feel like she has this need to feel like she's above me in every aspect, but I could be overthinking it too. Outside of studies, I don't really have a problem with her, but I think she also thinks she's better than me in a game we both play. And I honestly wouldn't care that much, but that coming together with the way she looks down on me in terms of studies is honestly driving me up the wall.
I've honestly just been acting stupid like I can't tell the thought process behind her comments, but I also can't help but reply back a little bit dryly or passive aggressively when she says stuff like that. It honestly pisses me off like crazy. I'm not the only person she does this to either. Just because she has studied for like 3 hours doesn't mean she can just diminish the hard work and efforts of others? Like it is so genuinely frustrating.
She honestly feels like an overachiever because she will go above and beyond to trouble herself when she literally doesn't need to then complains about it. This is also quite normal behavior and I honestly wouldn't care if she didn't constantly compare the way that she does so much to the things that I do in terms of studies. If you want to go crazy and torture yourself, that's your own thing. I like to study what I like and at my own pace, with my own method and routine. And she just keeps putting the way I study down subtly in a playful manner. It is honestly pissing me off.
She honestly does score higher than me in most subjects, and I honestly don't have a problem with that. The problem lies in how it feeds her ego and this kind of condescending behavior. She has a ragebaiter personality and many have complained about it, but I have tolerated it for the most part until she started doing it with studies because I feel like she totally ignores and waters down the amount of hard work and effort I put in just to make herself feel better. Just because she does so much doesn't mean I don't do my own share of work for my grades.
One thing that has kind of bothered me and stopped me from really addressing this in some way is the fact that I feel like I can be this way too. It might also be one of the reasons why I can easily tell when she's being really asshole-ish in her words when we talk about studies or gaming. I have been trying to work on it, but I honestly can't tell if it's been making any progress. I don't like telling others about my issues or weaknesses, so none of my friends really know about this whole thing. I don't want to be a hypocrite, so I honestly don't feel like I'm really qualified to confront her about this.
How should I go about dealing with this? I could technically just play dumb forever but the thought of being so close with someone who thinks she's above me just really puts me off and I don't think I could live like that. It's also honestly getting harder to pretend like it's not there.
Posted Aug 18, 2026, 12:17 PM UTC