I’m a Lost father. I don’t blame you for not reading, it’s a lot.

I work 7am-5pm m-f, and have about an hour commute home. Our family consists of 3 kids and my wife. Since I am out of the house most of the day, my wife makes the rules for the kids. She makes deals with them I not privy to in regard to screen time, desserts, etc. when I come home I do my best to be in a good mood after sitting in traffic for an hour, at the end of a 10 hour manual labor workday (I’m a mechanic/laborer). I’m not going to get into every detail, but there will be things like clearing your dishes from the table (or floor in front of the TV) or taking your dirty clothes you placed on the bathroom floor into the hamper, or leaving a usb computer cable draped across the hallway, or asking about the 4 cans of 1/2 drunk Lecroix, is everybody done, or still working on the drinks? Lately, each time I bring these little things up it’s been super negative. I try to frame it the best way possible, my wife says I’m “being too hard on them” and “I shouldn’t focus on those things in the short time you have with the kids every evening”. Truth is about the time I get home they’ve done “all” the chores, (or not) and have earned ”screen time” and feel entitled after “working for it” it seems like I’m bothering them talking or trying to interact. Then I bring up 2 of 4 things they didn’t complete to even get that screen time, and now I’m the devil. My wife says she can’t keep up with it all but apparently doesn’t like when I “back her up” and reinforce what should have been done already. If I do those things myself it’s “passive aggressive”. I genuinely feel like I don’t know how to parent anymore. She will yell, scream, cuss at our kids while reprimanding them, but when I ask them to do the same thing 3 days in a row in hopes they’ll remember “get done eating, don’t walk away, clear you plate and put in the sink”. I feel it’s fucking up my son’s head too. I see it. I don’t know if she’s having dialogue with him I don’t know about, but I can ask in the nicest tone for him to do something corrective, and he literally hangs his head. It’s effecting me to where I have started drinking more (not a lot, but daily) because I feel like I’m doing something wrong based on the reactions from my family. We have so few normal interactions I don’t know what that should feel like anymore. We are better off financially and have more free time than ever before. Sometimes when I come home, I can hear my wife yelling at our kids before I open the garage door. My two younger kids have said while looking at pictures of me from 10 years ago, “daddy wasn’t always mad back then”. My eldest 15 has no problem being cussed out by her mom every other day, but breaks down if I talk to her about something difficult, if I slightly raise my voice or seem agitated, it’s an excuse to run to her room, but not with my wife. I’m so lost, so confused, and have never felt more disconnected, like an outsider in my home. Sometimes I feel like I should just leave and everyone else would be happier. I would appreciate any positive or constructive feedback. I really need perspective. If you read all that, thank you ❤️