I feel heavy now

So I'm sorry to venting it out here , but I just feel heavy hearted....I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year 2 weeks ago, we were supposed to get married next year and our families knows and were excited about the wedding and all ... And yeah pretty much we broke up 2 weeks ago because he was having financial problem and I just wanted the bare minimum conversation, not only a word reply or just good morning sticker then silence ...

Our relationship were pretty good in the beginning, phone calls, texts , the cares ... For me I can't take silence or silent treatment after an argument... But at first he promised me that he would solve the arguments before we sleep.. but this never happened after few months into the relationship, usually he just go to sleep and I would be sending tons of paragraph where I eventually apologize even if it's not my fault because I couldn't take the silence.. then the next day he just reply good morning then would say I would reply later but then no reply will come ... So every argument just leads to silence until I beg him to get normal

So after I eventually agree to marry him , (I know it's stupid, I don't know what I was thinking.. but when he asked me to marry him , we were actually in a pretty good relationship) so after the wedding, after the family involved, each arguments leads to postponing the wedding... And each arguments leads to him saying let's cancel the wedding or let's break up.. I tried giving him space and I was the only one who always compromise most of the time.... From June till beginning of aug when we eventually broke up.... For these few months I felt lonely on this relationship and I felt like I was the only one fighting for the relationship.. what happened in June? Well again another argument regarding wedding preparation but then it redirected to alot of things so he again said let's cancel the wedding, and I had enough so I had to involve my mom and his best friend... Even that argument he didn't took initiative to solve , he just simply said it was my fault, if I hadn't involved them then it wouldn't be nig issue... I told him that he kept on saying he wants to cancel the wedding but he never took accountability for his actions...

So as he again portrayed me as the problem, my dumb ass tried to fix this relationship alone again ... Then I eventually step back, we would text but we won't discuss anything about the wedding or anything else ... I was slowly loosing my trust and hope about the wedding, then one day he compromised, in the beginning of July .. we had good times only for a week then again he had his financial problem... I was giving him space but he created so much argument with me , I give him space but to him I changed, but he asked me for space ... At one point I asked him if he really wants this relationship, he said nope , he don't want anything at this moment... And eventually I was the problem in this relationship, everytime I brought to him about something that bothers me , he never solve it or acknowledge it but he guilts me for having that issues or emotional needs and redirect the argument to his financial situation then I would apologize because I felt bad to upset him ...

Actually after the break up I didn't felt sad or numb , I didn't even cry ... I slept good ... No more anxiety... What happened last night was ... My mom was saying that my dad isn't going to eye clinic and his motorbike is getting worse , he isn't changing anything or spending for his eye treatment because he is saving for my wedding.... When I broke up only my sisters and friends knows about it ... So I had to tell my mom about the break up, because I don't want my dad to sacrifice for something that isn't going to happen right ... She was at shock first but she also didn't like him from June argument... But I can feel that she was a bit upset last night.... I wanted to keep this matter hidden from my dad for some time... But suddenly out of the blue he asked me about my ex and his well being

I just told my dad that he is busy .... But now I feel heavy , I feel like everything is final, like it's the end , you know... Now I feel like crying.... I thought I was doing better but something makes me feel heavy now....