My bf turned on me after I shared message that implicate his younger brother m/24 and dad m/64 of having had a relationship.

I’m struggling that my bf ended our relationship over me showing him concerning messages about his dad. I genuinely don’t know what the truth is, but I know that what happened has completely changed my relationship with my boyfriend. For context my bfs dad has been in his life since he was young. He dated his mom after his biological father passed away when he was young & eventually his mother gave up custody. From what I understand she chose to stand by her boyfriend and wanted to press charges against my bf for attacking him after he threatened to grape him. My bf eventually ended up living with his “dad” and has lived with him ever since.
My bf is a successful and respected dermatologist. His dad has always lived with him except throughout college & he’s repeatedly told me that my bf essentially owes him for the life he has because he would be nothing without him. I have personally had to defend myself to my bf over things his father claimed I said or did early in the relationship. That eventually stopped as far as I know but I have personally witnessed his father lie exaggerate stories threaten people when he doesn’t get his way and manipulate my bf. I have actually had a fairly good relationship with his father. I never told my bf that I thought his father was manipulative or dishonest because I knew it would probably cause problems between us and that his father would likely turn the situation around and make me look like the problem. There is also some history involving my family and his. My sister dated his younger brother years before my bf and I ever started seeing each other. During their relationship, she became uncomfortable with the younger brother because he repeatedly pressured her to do sexual things she wasn’t ready for and became upset when she refused. At one point, while driving them to a school dance, their dad allegedly told them they could have sex in the back of the car and he wouldn’t tell anyone. There was another incident at my parents’ house. My sister had broken up with the younger brother but eventually got back together with him after he repeatedly begged her and his father made her feel guilty about the breakup.
One night, my sister and her best friend, who she had known since childhood, were at my parents’ house when her boyfriend and his father arrived. My mom and I were out running errands. The dad accused my sister and her friend of “touching and kissing” in front of him and the younger brother and made a huge scene. She has never been a liar and she’s extremely uncomfortable with PDA.
I never told my boyfriend about the comment his father made in the car or some of the other things that happened because I knew it could drive a wedge between us. There is also a much more serious part of his dad’s history that I have struggled with.
His father was involved in dealing drugs when he was younger and associated with some very dangerous people. According to the story he has told me, he was accused of sexually assaulting a young girl after he stopped giving drugs to the girl’s father for free. He spent several years in prison. He is a Tier III registered sex offender. His family believes he’s innocent but his explanation for why he was accused has changed over the years. My godfather, who knew him when they were young, recently told me that before the accusation, his father had pictures of girls that made him question whether they were underage. My godfather said that although they had been close friends, he eventually distanced himself because he believed there could be something seriously wrong with him. I’m including it because it is part of why I have always been cautious about dismissing certain things involving him.
There was also a woman my boyfriend dated before me who had a very difficult relationship with his father. She believed he was manipulative and had serious issues. My bf was caught in the middle because there were arguments between them that he didn’t personally witness. He admitted to me that his father dramatizes things, so there were times when he wasn’t sure who to believe.
About a year ago, his dad started dating aa woman who I was 27. She has severe brain damage from being in a coma and difficulty reasoning. She also has a serious drinking problem. She’s jumped to wild conclusions over the years all I only know from his dad telling me.
one day while watching TV he asked me to keep an eye on her cuz , according to him, she was saying “crazy” things. He and my boyfriend were leaving to look at a house.
What immediately struck me was that his father repeatedly asked whether I had overheard their conversation and whether my bf had heard anything. He seemed extremely nervous and on edge.
While I was at work, his girlfriend unexpectedly texted me.
She said she didn’t realize I could hear their conversation and asked me not to tell anyone because she didn’t want his dad to go to jail. She said that his dad and my bfs younger brother who’s the dad’s biological son had previously had a consensual sexual relationship.
My first reaction was to screenshot the message and send it to my bf. Instead I asked her what she meant. I wanted clarification before making any assumptions.
She then told me that his father and the younger brother had been involved in an intimate relationship years earlier and that she had pics of messages between them.
I asked to see them. She sent me pics from where she had taken pictures of the messages on the dad’s phone. They were not screenshots; they were pictures taken of a phone screen. One message was asking what the younger brother’s then-wife knew about their “intimate” life because he didn’t want to accidentally “fuck up.”
Another was about the brother’s car and his dad wanting him to move back into the house. The message said something along the lines of, “You want to because I am your dad and you miss me and love me,” followed by a statement about hoping they could “resume” their sexual relationship. One of the messages had the brother’s name and phone number. Some of the messages were blue bubbles and others green. He has an Android phone and a tablet, so I wondered whether they could have come from different devices. At the time, I had no way of knowing whether the photos were authentic, edited, fabricated, or taken out of context. However, they looked like actual photos of a phone. She had done the same b4 w a message from my bf to his dad that she wanted me to see. So I knew she had access to his phone like that.
my bf and I were already having relationship problems. We had talked about needing to sit down and have a serious conversation about our relationship. When I went to initiate that conversation I instead said I had something serious I needed him to see. I him exactly what had happened. I told him that his dad had repeatedly asked me whether I had overheard their conversation. I told him his she had contacted me completely unprompted. I showed him the messages. I told him that based solely on what she had said, I would have doubts because of her history and condition, but that the pics were concerning &he needed to look at them. I did not say This definitely happened but shared why I believed it based off the messages. After reading the messages, he told me I needed to leave and that he needed to be alone.
I asked him where his head was, and he said, “It’s pretty fucking clear what those messages are.” He then told me he would contact me later. Later that night she messaged me saying that she had lied about everything.
I didn’t respond. His father then called me and screamed at me. He called me the enemy and demanded to know how I could do this to him and why I would go to my bf knowing what it would do.i tried saying that I hadn’t gone looking for this information. She had contacted me first. I had asked for clarification and then gone to my bf.
He continued screaming and threatening me, including saying he would sue me and repeatedly telling me, “You did this. You caused this. It’s all your fault.”
I eventually hung up and blocked him. Since then, my bf has blamed me as well. He believes she and I conspired together and that I intentionally twisted something to create problems within their family. He keeps pointing out that she is “mentally handicapped,” which makes him believe that I must have been the person driving everything and that I manipulated her.He has also said he thinks he knows why I did it, but he has never actually told me what he believes my motive was. His father’s girlfriend was kicked out of the house. Afterward, she repeatedly contacted me saying she had lied. She then started accusing me of wanting to be with his father and claimed that was why she had said these things.
And this is where I am completely confused.
I understand why my boyfriend has doubts. She says she lied. She has significant cognitive issues, a drinking problem, and clearly had an unstable relationship with his dad. She also has a reason to want to get back into his good graces. She can’t easily work because of her condition and drinking, lives with her mother and grandmother, and had been staying at my bfs house for the summer & didn’t want to leave.
I understand why he thinks she could have fabricated the whole thing but not how she could fake the pics or why I would be involved.
I didn’t ask her about his father or his younger brother.
His father had already seemed extremely nervous about whether I had overheard something.
She showed me photographs that appeared to be taken directly from his phone, including the younger brother’s name and phone number. And there was already significant conflict between her and his father.
Months ago she took his phone and ran off with it. The argument escalated into his father hitting her and physically fighting with my bf when he tried to intervene.
There was also something else that stuck with me.
The timeframe she gave me for this supposed relationship was around the time the brother was getting married. During that period, his father was extremely upset about the brother’s relationship and was calling my mom. The younger brother was icing him out, and he was threatening to off himself over it to my mom. Upset I could understand but it seemed over the top.
I don’t know what that means. It could mean absolutely nothing. But combined with everything else, it is something that made me question whether there could be some truth buried underneath the girlfriend’s story.
And then there’s the reaction from his father.
If the messages are fake, why not simply explain that?
If there is an innocent explanation for them, why not tell me what it is? Instead, the immediate response was that I had done this intentionally, that I had conspired with her, that I had “caused” everything, and that I had some hidden motive. His father even screamed at me that I “don’t even know the full story.”
But no one has actually told me what the full story is.
The younger brother says it isn’t true, but he has a history of lying and other serious personal issues, so I don’t know how much weight I can reasonably put on that.
His father says the girlfriend lied, but hasn’t explained the messages.
The girlfriend says she lied, but hasn’t explained why she had photos what appeared to be messages from his father’s phone.
And my boyfriend believes that I intentionally created all of this, despite the fact that I never approached his father’s girlfriend, never asked her to accuse anyone, never gave her information to work from, and never told her what to say. I simply received something completely unexpected, asked questions because I was confused, saw what she was claiming was evidence, and then told him cuz I felt he had a right to know. I never even spent time around her. I never told anyone else about it.
So now I’m struggling. I’ve never done anything to hurt any of them. The brother and dad live with my bf and he pays for everything including cars.
I can accept that maybe I made the wrong decision. What is hurting me most is that he seems to genuinely believe that I would deliberately fabricate or manipulate something this serious.
I have never felt this hurt or betrayed by someone I love.
I understand that he loves his father. His father raised him, has taken care of him, and my bf feels that he owes him a lot because of that. I also understand why he would instinctively want to protect him. But I never set out to hurt either of them. I was given information that, if true, was incredibly serious. I didn’t know whether it was true. I told my boyfriend exactly that. The closest explanation I’ve gotten is that I “farmed” for info and then twisted it. So if the messages are real, how can anyone explain a dad sending something like that to his son. There is no way that can be taken out of context.