Benefits or booted

Throwaway account, kind of, and going to change information to remain anonymous just in case.

I have worked for a family for 3 years now. When I started I was finishing up college, was told it was part time, and the job was vastly different than what it is now. There are now 2nks who are 4 and 2y/o and they are going to be having more children. They've talked to me about staying for the long haul and I said I would be interested.

Here is the thing. And it's my fault as well. I started under the table. This is what they offered, I had only had one family before, and I was not educated on nanny etiquette as far as a career or serious job. I just kinda thought it was (wrongly) a side gig type thing. It doesn't help that my state and place of residence does not understand what nannying is on a large scale, and is a very underpaid profession here.

Overtime, they dropped 3 other caregivers and I became the fulltime caregiver 4 days a week. 2 kids at 17.50$ an hour, no benefits, no GH, no OT pay, no holidays nothing and the hours are all over the place. Sometimes I'm off at 3:30 sometimes I'm off at 7:30. It's not their fault, I'm bad at sticking up for myself, and I people please way too much. I am now graduated out of college for a while now, and needing more support for things like health insurance and my god I want to move out of my parents house so bad lol.

I have been wanting to go on the books for awhile now, I am terrified every tax season, but I'm so bad at money things as in I just feel guilt around asking for money and knowing my worth. Ive been really working on this but the discomfort is sometimes overwhelming. This all came to a head a couple months ago when my employers had an apartment become open and they asked me if I wanted to move in. I said absolutely. But then they did the math, asking renters what they paid in util, and rent alone was far too expensive for me to afford. Util was on a different planet than my income would allow. I decided then that something has to give as I did more math about my income and what I would be able to afford and it came to a 500$ apartment which is not a thing where I live.

This made me grow some balls as I started to factor in that I'm not building anything towards retirement, I need to be able to afford health insurance soon, and I need a place to live that again... is not my parents lol.

Last week i decided to ask MB about being on the books as well as some benefits like PTO and sick days. I was met with a yeah you've been with us for a long time, you deserve some benefits we will look into this from MB. Then today, DB says he figured out taxes, looking at 6 holidays, 10 PTO, 5 sick days, "of course" OT pay, and GH. Relief. Relief is what I feel. But then I ask about GH. he wants to do 20hr GH a week that bank for a month. So like if they're out of town for a week, they want to extend my hours the following week and then if I'm under by the end of the month I'll get paid out essentially. I work about 38 hours a week on average. 10+ hour days 3 days, 4 ish hours one day. I say hey I think I need more of a schedule for when you need me, it's hard to plan my days right now because I don't know how long I'm working and so maybe we can look into you booking me from 7am to 4pm or something and then we go from GH from there because what if the kiddos get sick, or if you do go out of town and then don't need me for extended time that leaves me very vulnerable. I'd like to see about 25 GH minimum per week. He says okay(optimistically, like it didn't sound like he thought that was a bad thing). He does bring up later in conversation as we keep discussing wants and things, me asking what he wants in a contract etc. that I'd be essentially getting a 5$ raise with this because it's going to cost them 9k~ more a year than what they pay me now, but he honestly seemed pretty moving forward with it, and said he was working on the contract and would have a draft soon for me to look over.

Later in the day I talk to MB. I ask her if she has any concerns as It felt like there was a shift in her energy towards me. Note, I'm very sensitive to these things and I have been steered clear that sometimes when I feel a shift it might be me reading too much into it. Anywho. She replies that this job was never meant for longevity but it seems to have turned into one. She said that I'm at a different point in my life than when I first started and that it was sort of meant to a college student type position. She says that it's totally valid for me to need these things "but..." (I assume she doesn't want to pay more, I had previously asked about OT pay one week when I was over 40 hrs and she had told me that she'd like to pay me same rate). She ended this convo with saying she hates change and I was like oh yeah I hate change too it's terrifying.

It has been a rollercoaster of a day for my emotions. I was pumped and then I just wanted to cry. I'm either getting my dream come true and true stability, or I might also just be losing my job. And if I lose my job I'm thinking this might be my last nannying job. My friends have been supportive. I jumped the gun and told them this morning when I was pumped and then I had to pull back when I found out more of this info. They've been offering suggestions like nanny agencies which is nonexistent in my place of residence and they tell me I should start applying to jobs to use my degree I worked so hard to get(I have a BA in psychology focused on development so easier said than done unfortunately lol). I'm just so scared. I love nannying, I've grown to love these kids and they're integrated with my family to a certain point. I just feel sad, but I think this was a big lesson for me whichever way this flows. If I could do things differently from the start I would.