Bukod culture in different perspectives

Bukod culture is really weird and complex.

Me (M28) and my jowa (F26) are both working and have been discussing our setup lately and our thoughts about pagbubukod niya. For context, her household setup is a conservative one where she lives with her adoptive siblings na lang (both adoptive parents have passed away already), LIP are looked down upon and considered a sin. Sa akin naman, somewhat lenient perhaps because I'm a guy. I have been living on my own for four years now but still in good terms with my family.

It's a constant away between her and her sisters whenever she stays at my place for several days. Sinasabihan siya ng masasamang terms like "malandi", "makasalanan", "sana mabuntis ka na para makaalis ka na". Lots of guilt tripping "kapag nagasawa na yan, di na yan makakapagbigay dito". There are 6 of them in their household with her being the youngest. All are abled and can work but the division of work and contribution is not fair. All chores are done by the females only. One female sibling who doesnt have a job and assigned at household chores do it reluctantly and one male sibling who doesnt contribute at all - monetary or chores.

There are times na iiyak siya and vent her frustrations to me. Nagkautang utang siya dahil sa pinapagawang bahay nila when she wont even get a share of it legally (she's not legally adopted), so parang nagbigay lang siya ng donations sa pagpapagawa ng bahay. Kapag wala siyang pasok, she's expected to stay at home and gumawa ng gawaing bahay instead of resting from her 8-5 job (sometimes 8-8) or even enjoying outside. And the female sibling I mentioned, sobrang nagagalit whenever the chores are not done how she wants it or when she wants it, even saying "yan na lang gagawin mo ah".

To add, they have a lot of pet dogs and cats. Actually its owned by that female sibling. So lahat ng extra added work ay kagagawan niya lang din naman, and yet everyone is expected to adjust. Lately hindi makatulog jowa ko sa higaan niya kasi dinudumihan ng aso and she would be blamed for it pa "Di ka kasi humiga agad". My girl is juggling her work, side hustles, and graduate studies. I just dont get it. She's one of the main contributor sa pagpapagawa ng bahay nila and yet siya itong walang mapagpahingahan ng maayos. Kaya kapag dito siya sa akin, talagang tulog kung tulog and hinahayaan ko lang.

I told her that her environment is no longer right for her. So pinupush ko siya bumukod na. She doesnt have to cut the financial support naman if she doesnt want to yet. Her siblings are grown ups and are abled, they can take care of themselves. I told her we can rent a bigger place habang nagiipon.

She told me that it's an internal process since all her life ganon na talaga ang setup nila. She also shared na the concept of kasal fixes the issues of pagbubukod brought by LIP. Pero my take on it is that, kasal should not be the only way for a female to make her own decisions in life. The way I see it, natatakot siya to burn bridges and be on her own. She told me na takot siya sa uncertainty na baka iwan ko din tapos nakabukod na siya. Pero hindi na kasi okay ang environment niya eh, mabuti sa kung mabuti ang mga kapatid niya pero grabe din siya pagsalitaan, grabe din yung unfairness sa contribution. I told her na if gusto niya bumukod, she should do it for herself not for anyone even me.

Nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siya umiiyak sharing the same frustrations sa household niya. May kirot sa dibdib. And I'll be honest na nakakaramdam din ako ng konting frustration sa reluctance niya to make her own decisions sa buhay. I know easier said than done, pero kapag pinatagal niya pa, siya lang din masisira eh.