I’ve been an incredibly difficult psych patient

I have been in and out of the hospital for the last 7 years. During that time I have ran away, been restrained/sedated countless times, been stripped, been force fed, slept directly on the floor, and more. At one point I woke up with a catheter having no memory of them inserting it. Last weekend they had to give me ketamine to get me to stop attempting. The worst of it is I recently got charged with assault for hitting a nurse while I was being restrained. I feel terrible I have never been a violent person but this was one of my lowest moments, a couple months back. I feel like a waste of resources and a hopeless case, I’m now in dbt and trying to do better but it’s still a struggle.